square one

Square one
was exactly
where
I found myself.

just me on a square
like in a
giant
game
of chess.

around me
queens and kings
knights and bishop
all
go about doing
what ever it
is they do.

I waited until it was my turn to move.

That time to move on is now.

To move
and
live
or stay and be killed.

Sometimes
to live
requires
you must take what is on
another square.

So to the guy on
square two,
good luck.


08'

Betty

betty page died.

what i know,
is that
she went insane,
found jesus,
and
she married the same man twice.

everything else i have made up.

she exists
in my mind not as the woman who grew old,
but
who gave the boys and sometimes girls something
to hold on
to besides
their boring
lives where
no one wears cheetah prints except
on T.V

Who
gave perversion a face that sung choirs of halo's
and
took bread at the alter,-
that sat next to you
in the pews
but never
looked at you directly.

Who
was childhood heroine to the girls I
craved,
that sent me diving for pearls in deep empty waters.

Betty's picture was a gift
sent to them in plain envelopes,
never revealing the danger inside.
a subversive greeting
card
a secret language
a nod
and a wink


she gave fantasy
in an open hand,

which is better than losing the your love twice, going mad and looking for a god
that never returns your
phone calls

08'

Needles and Pins

 Needles and Pins

asked
my favorite
season.

Punctured

a voodoo doll.

all to become,
better.

I want
to get
better.

Imagining
what better means.

given horrible tasting tea,

I'd drink ______
if it meant
I
could get better.

such is
Acupuncture


08'

meany

I am a bit of a meany.
catching tigers
by the toe,
fearlessly.

I have made the
girls cry.

I have also
made some
beg.

I have been thrown out of
and
banned from.

Stood Up
Fired
and
Snubbed.

I did not watch my words
or my step.

but no-
this is not bragging.

the villian rarely
gets the girl
in the end.

why not change
why not be kinder

why not...
why not?


some people will let the tiger
go if he hollers,

The stupid ones,

Because
nothing is worse
than an angery
tiger-

Rest in Peace
eany
miny
moe




08'

The postman

I was sitting
in a waiting room,
the postman came in
and began a conversation
with the
receptionist-

he asked
if she got back with
her boyfriend,
and
asked about her
upcoming trip.

he asked her
to take lots pictures.

His delivery
was not special or
priority,
it fell flat rate.

it was awkward to
witness,
as he was
there for about
20 min.

Nor rain nor
sleet
nor snow-
can stop the
United States Mail,

[however]
[ your publisher clearinghouse-pennysaver-phonebill-christmas card from grand mama-
might not make it today because
no male
was ever any match
for the United States Female ]

08'

Nighthawks at the Diner

(For Tom Waits)

Whoa baby!
Tommy the Cat is on the loose

dishin it out
cold blooded,
with a side of greasy fries-

va va vavoooom-
Ladies sit back relax make yourselves at home-
count the silverware-

Gentlemen-
take a load off, sit a spell
call in sick tomorrow mornin-

good citizens
lock your doors

Tommy the Cat,
is on the loose,
the prowl
and nobodies safe
late at night-

as the Night Hawks Gather at the Diner

08'

shovel

sing or shout

surprise or sneak on by

shut down
shove off

spoiled and soiled

speed er' up
and
ship em out

the poems have lost
a bit of their edge
but
just show up
anyways:

your gonna need
a shovel.


08'

nicer

I wanted to
treat you
like one of the gang.

To treat you
nicer
than the others
would raise suspicions.
would call into question
would ruin my reputation

I like you
I respect you.

I can be nicer.

However,

You
asked
me to just act
normal.

I wish I could,
but you see,
This always was normal...
for me.
besides
I never was much of an actor.

08

cancelled

I got canceled.

my services no
longer needed,

but the show must go on, after all it was my fault.

Charles no longer in charge of our days and or our nights... pack your bags and hit the road jack kerouac, and don't you come back no more no more no more no more.hit the road jack and don't you come back no more.

It was my albatross, three ring circus white elephant orphan revival, claim to fame, my therapy and my friday night date and god- how i miss it.

There was heart ache and head ache, let down, hang up, shake ups and constant apologies i had to make for saying the wrong thing constantly, all the while being precieved and seen as this or that, judged and constantly trying to please everyone, and god- how i miss it.

then it was over.

There were no hard feelings, no hard feeling but the rest of them feelings were there...feeling running wild in the streets, on the loose and and refusen' to go back into hiding,those feelings fled, but no hard feelings...

They asked me to go.
and
now that I think of it.
they never invited me in the first place
I just sorta showed up.
and then(with a quickness)-
just sorta disappeared.-


it was fun.

all i have to show for it is the one time a really cute folk singer girl said that I was soo cool...
she thought i was cool.

08'

da lovely

She got mad
because
i laughed.

...and I don't blame her.

I laughed
because she asked me why i changed my
mind.

I laughed
because I thought it was funny.

I
changed
my mind
because
I wanted to see
her.

I showed up to see the lovely.

(well that and other reasons,
but mostly.)

I laughed
cuz I couldn't think of something else to say...

I showed up to see her,
but
didn't want it going to her head.
didn't want to make it strange,
didn't want to have to explain
didn't want
to answer the question.

but i don't blame her.

if she had just hadn't asked,
i'd still be
hearing the sound of one hand
clapping.
or
if i had answered honestly,
maybe would have had to have left anyway
for different reasons.
(either way)

I laughed
and i guess something got
lost in translation.

[if she just hadn't asked-
or had let it slide-
or even cared
what happend to me
on the next page-]
that my friend would have been...
lovely.


08'

Pajaro

( b side)

It was a simple song
about
A bird
with string in its beak
to mend a broken
heart.

I didn't have
a broken heart
but I felt I did as
I read the words.

I haven't
been in
love for years-

real love,
the kind you wait for in life.
the kind you lose.

but
no one in a long time,
no one has kept me up at night
no one worth mentioning.

As
I was singing,
I had a broken
heart,
in love with love.

for a moment I had a heavy heart,
then it passed, like a bird off to heal
someone else.

in love with love
and now not even that.

08'

hollywood n highland

it was obscene.

entire
streets
filled with
police cars
and
motorcycles.

a river
of black and white.

I have never seen soo many
cops ever...
the
helicopter in the air
making it surreal,
straight out of a movie

an army of cops
there to protect and serve,
so that
the gays
don't riot in street.

California
decided
to take rights
away,

claiming some sort of
victory,
with a straight face.

So
the people do
what they always do,
takin to the streets
stand up for
themselves
standing up
head
high
the way they should.

What
has been done
in California to it's people
is a crime,

it is a crime.
it is a crime!
it is a crime...
as
the army
of police
stand around waiting
and
arrest no one
for it...


08'

It couldn’t hurt

HE WON,

thank the lord above,

he has won.

a miracle or
fate
the world
sleeps better tonight.

You know...
On the news,
I saw
some Peruvian Shamans
doing some
spirtual ritual
in his favor,
and
a curse
for the man that opposed him.

Some say that he won
because
of skill
ability
and
conviction.

But,
all I'm saying is
having
Peruvian
Shanmans
on your side,
couldn't hurt

08'

A new song in America

a new song
has been sung in America

many voices
all in
harmony.

the voice
we hear
is our
own.

a new song after
so long.

We sing together,
a choir
of hope.

We sing,
We can
We can
Yes –
we can.


08'

open microphone

(for the dearly beloved Tia Chucha's Centro Cultural)


We are here.

We
are miles away from
HOLLYWOOD.

but we
are in the the middle of it.
we are
a
center.

here.
right here is a microphone
to
amplify
your latent convictions.
to amplify
your latent convictions.

to become universal truths.

We are
here
filling up the
silence
here
connecting
pulling
pushing
and
being.

we are
you.

like heavenly
bodies.

we have
a gravity

we attract.

we are
a million miles
from Hollywood.

here you are
not a
star,
but a
constellation.

Pavement

she posted some
lyrics
on craigslist
cause we
were
bored.

people wrote
back.

they knew the song.

She made me
a painted
tile.

It broke but
I still have it.

she wrote shady lane on it.

She knew
somebodies relative,
who
knew the singer.

the relative was
from some remote
part of California.

I think it was his
sister.

The band broke up.
the good ones
almost always
do.

We bought
the first solo album,
but the second
one wasn't as
good.

We saw the other band
perform at Mod Lang.
It wasn't so
good.

It just wasn't the same.

i heard they might
play
a reunion gig.

you know,
to celebrate
20
years ago the 80's
ended.

maybe we'll go.

slanted and enchanted

08

Bailout Blues

(b side)

the fear of
economic collapse
was in
the air
like the moment before a storm.

anything could happen.

the rich could get even richer.
and the poor
could become
even poorer.

its been the same
thing for awhile now...
no one ever took to the streets
about it.

not the bakers, the florist,
the waiters,
doctors,
nurses,
teachers or plumbers.

no one will take to the streets...

it might be seen as being rude.

it might be confused with
some communist plot.

it might be confused with a
parade.

So they all wait,
to see what will happen.

anything could happen.

almost anything.

the rich will get richer
and the poor
will get poorer.

In the end we'll
show the Commies
our way was holy.

ANNUIT COEPTIS

We'll show them good

08'

handle

The officer
had his baton
out.

his
hand griped on the handle,
his arm ready
to swing at my mom.

She was just  being dropped off
in front of her home.

They pulled the car
over,
because it
was old,
because
they were
three Latina women
because illegal's drive old cars.
because Latino's are illegal's
-but
mostly because they can.

my mother is
an older woman,
often
complains
of her
arthritis and walks a little slower
every year
a senior citizen
but more importantly and American citizen.


She stood up tall.
afraid.

it hasn't been the first time
police have
threatened to hurt her.

She stood up tall
afraid.

She stared down
the officer telling him
he was being ridiculous.

big Anglo man, with a
baton in his hand,
threatening to hurt an old lady.

he was ridiculous.
he put his baton away.

She handled it with pride
She handled it with dignity.

She
had
handled it.


08'

pass the cream

It was a boring
dream
except for the fact that
we were
living together.

Me living with you.
Of all people...

you are
my favorite lesbian,
and
an old friend
and I genuinely have loved you.

But,
I found it odd that
we
were
roommates, like an old married couple,
passing the cream
passing the sugar
changing the channel on
T.V.

You were a radical,
liberal,
sexual and
a poet.
tempting young boys
to build you temples.

you
were
the queen of Bohemia.

You approached me.

In the dream we were
boring,
normal,
and quite.

It was just a dream,
but all the
same
Thank god
you are now a lesbian,
and
I'm a man.



08'

phone buddies

with regards
to
my phone.

it is not
that i
have a bad connection,
or have trouble
connecting.
or
failed to
connect

it is not
the absence of
those
bars that
appear on it's screen
they are there,
those
bars,
all of them.

and
even if did believe that
texting
is the
decline of the
english/spanglish
language

i'm not
against
pre
marital or casual text.

No, there is nothing wrong with my phone
per se.

it is just
when it rings
and
your name pops
up,
i will have to make the choice...

whether to become
just
another number.


08

riding around cars with dangerous boys

Hey,
Look at you,
miss
thrill seeker,
riding
in cars
with dangerous boys
down ventura blvd.
looking for Mexican food.

Welcome to
los angeles,

havin
good times
on
someone elses dime
commiting
small crimes.

sluming it

playin hooky.
and
dodging
responsibility.
with not much time
before the sun goes down.

lookin for thrills,
with no money down
and half a tank.

you
riding in cars with
dangerous boys,
starin down cops,
makin boys cry.

taking time to
slum it
gettin your hands
dirty

you
riding around
with me.

08'

your dad

Your dad was
at the party.

He,
was and is
a good guy.

His life has
been and
is good.

He tells me
he has been having the
time of his life, more now
than ever.

he mentions you
while we talk and i see a look
in his eyes.

I know what he
thinking.

He's thinking:

"Don't even think
about
trying with daughter.

Just don't. She's happy"

and
in my head
i truly believe
that
something just feels
right between
you and me,
ever since we were
kids.

Your dad and
I
both
have ideas
about whats
good for you.

granted he's know you longer.

he's a good guy, but
so am i.

08'

just sitting there

"and we listen to the sea
and look at the sky in a poetic kind of way
what you call it when you look at the sky in a poetic kind of way
you know when you grope for luna"
-f.b



I didn't
say
anything
I
just sat there.

But I felt
closer
to you than
I have
with anyone
in awhile.

I didn't say
anything.
you didn't say
anything.

it was ideal,
the moment where I can
feel at ease not to speak.
and not need someone to say anything
in return.

i felt connected to you.
almost
spiritually.

I thought
if
I have written
about
whales,
boxers, madmen
and oil changes.

I should mention
it.

I intended to
say something
sweet.
or kind.

but your
not a character
in that
kind of story.

I thought it
deserved a poem.

and this was
it.


08'

note to self.

I don't
show up in any of your
poems.

(though i never read any, or even sure you've ever written one)
(but I'm sorta sure.)

women only mention
me for
two reasons.

i wanna
know which way it goes...

I need to try harder,
to
do something amazingly...
spectacular and stupid.

i'ma pencil it in...
note to self.


08'

Word to the Wise

As we
drove

and after a warning
not to hit on
the new girl,

the ladies made a revelation of sorts...
that
they
in thier infinite wisdom,
in the past have tried
to set me up,
without
my
k-nowledge.

Fuck.

No way!
Really!
Wowee Zowee.

Thank you ladies,
I knew
there was a
reason
i kept you around...

I don't even try to bother figuring out who or when,
i know me to well...it goes the same either way.

however,
a word to the wise...

it might be a good idea to let me know, in the future
so that
I
can
i pick out a nicer shirt
and
rehearse
my
apologies
in advance.


08'

and boats

I had
a dream
about
whales.

they just barely
popped
out of the water.

as their tails
threw boats out
of the
way.

I have dreamt
of being
chased
by dogs
and kimno dragons,
but never whales.

I'm not sure
what to make of
it.

it could be
just a dream
about whales.

or a warning.

I wonder if the dream
is somehow tied to
New people,
Old people,
Fear of this
or that.

nothing comes to mind.

if there is a meaning at
all.

Whatever
it is,
it is
huge.

and i hope my
life
boat stays
afloat, as I never
was a good
swimmer.

08'

Ronnie Spector Forever

You were standing in line,
with
your sister and cousin
at the
peppermint lounge.

You looked
famous
so they put you on stage
with Ray.

Ronnie Spector,
be my baby.
be my little baby
say you'll be my darling
be my baby now...

You married a
crazy bastard.
Kept you locked up like a song bird.
he was a small man with a gun.
He'll get the chair.
(but thats another story)

The ronnettes were an army of cool,
the ronnettes were a holy trinty.
the ronnettes were sirens
sending teenage boys
to the rocks.

Brian Wilison,
the patron saint of
california and
lonely boys,
kneels at the church of Spector,
says a prayer
for your beehive hair,
and black eye liner.

Ronnie,
walking in the rain....
and wishing on a star...

Baby i love you....

you are young forever,
your voice
the sound of teenage love,
breaking free of
a wall of sound.

Ronnie Spector forever and ever...

(be my, be my baby
my one an only baby...)

08'

She thinks she’s Los Angeles.

She thinks
she is
los angeles.

She is one of the people here.
She is Yoga
She is 405 to the 101 to the 10
She is K town
She is Pico
She is Mulitcultural
She is Melting
She is Pot.

She thinks she’s los angeles.
is that really so bad?

there are worse
places to live.-

She is Echo park
She is griffith park
She is Downtown
Westside East Side
and South Central
She is Wilshire,
She is Crenshaw
and sunset
She is Oylmpic

She thinks she’s los angeles.

there are worse places to live.
there are worse
places to be,-

but not many.


08'

well it's my name

"Estaba pensando sobre viviendo con mi sister en New Jersey,
Ella me dijo que es una vida buena alla,
Bien rica bien chevere, Y yo voy."
-fb


I hadn't spoken to you
in two years.
and

about three months
ago
you called.

It was easier to keep saving the message in my mailbox
than call you back.

I would have to share my life.
I'd have to let
you in for a moment.

i tried to spare
myself
embarrassment.

I wanted to call you.

It was on my list of things
to do.

and when i did call you

you
made me do push ups over the phone.
made me confess my fears about god
made me tell the truth
made me miss terresa
(god rest her soul)
made me feel better.
made me feel cared for.

what are friends for she says
what are friends for...

You called me a silly goose
exachanging
messages at 2 in the morning.

awake like me
but for different reasons.

I remembered the time I went out on date with your room mate.
she later dated my roommate in a cosmic twist.

remembered you played that Manna song
on an old
boom box.

remembered the time
you dressed like
a bumble bee
for halloween.

when you met me...

and you hated my guts
couldn't stand me.
couldn't stand me.

but, and, however, and I told you so.

I can admit men, boys, and
what i am,
we are
as you point out...but only sometimes.

your a woman not so much a girl.

You run triatholons-
(how cool is
that.)

But no matter how fast,
you
can't out run every
man.

You'll day will come.

You are alive.

Fuck yeah!

You are alive
and you reminded
that i was too...

fuck yeah...

You went on a cruise.

Now i wanna go on a cruise.
I wanna go on the high seas.

I wanna play in the sun.
I wanna sit by the pool...
i need some
sun.

Fuck the whales.

Hey Suess

We got
there in
time for the show.

brown bag,
in dark parking
spots

Then the
last person
i expected to
see.

Amir-

People said he
looked alittle
like
Hey Suess.
I said he looked
like
Lennon.


I've know him
since we
were boys.

he is
family.

said the band used to play at his families restaurant.

People said he
looked alittle
like
Hey Suess.
I said he looked
like
Lennon.


We smoked cigerettes outside,
talked,
hitting on the waitress.
making friends
with strangers.



I quit
smoking,
but hey,
anything for an old
friend.
anything for
Hey Suess.

08'

Lou’s Party

Hey thanks,
again for the invitation,
it was
Nice of you to
think of me.

However,
i don't think i'll be able to make it.

oh, not because of anything really in particular.
Its just, you don't live with your roomate anymore,
and i don't know where she lives.
and lou's party is at her place,

and she invited me to something
a couple of weeks ago,
and so,
even though its nice
of you to invite,
it'd be
nice
to know
where she lives.

yeah, i don't know. and interestingly, its not on the invite either.
Hence, by default, i don't
know where lou's party is.

I'd ask but, then i'd be inviting myself,
and there are rules about that
sort of thing.

i just headed north,
but eventually just end up
lost.
which i think is best for you, me and lou.

08

hair (the musical) poem

i am feeling pretty good,
after reading
the New York times
article on hair.
hair the musical.
you had a old
casset in your
car, the Burgundy
camery your
dad used to drive.
you loved hair.
fucking loved it.

This is dawning of the age of aquirus,
you were a libra,
i was the aquirus.
we got along famously.
because of this.

i agree.

you would agree, if we were still talking...

I actually don't know any of the words.
to the song, or any other song.
and i thought about you,
loving it,
and that time i
we watched grease after we broke up.

ok ok.

i know they are completely diffrent.
one is musical about hippies.
the other a musical about greaser.

I agree,
and i am sure you would
agree as well.
you were the libra,
i was the aquarious,
we got along famously,
maybe because of it...
until we didn't.
also maybe because of it.....


08'

We are Aquarius

(b side)

we are Aquarius,
you and i.

i am an old man,
and
your a lunch lady.

i was mean, and short,
and could only outgrow one.

you were cooler than you knew.
and colder,
than you had to.

you might be
smarter than me,
but i look better
in brown.

we are Aquarius,
playing god with art.
you with better luck,
me with just a collection
of lucky pennies .

you now play for the other team,
and i was never good
at sports.
we still root for each.

I've known you half my life,
even after you killed me
off in act 2.
i resurrected, like jesus or a zombie.
and here we are.

I'd like you to know,
the others
that reminded me of you,
were also a pain in ass.
so i just stop
trying
replace you.

I'd like you to know,
You have stayed in my heart,
longer than most.

Still,
even though
I've known you half my life.
i,
hardly ever showed up in
your words.
but you have the nasty habit
of showing up,
in my dreams.
while never bringing
baked goods.

but who has the time, really....

you had taste,
now your a chef.

i had no taste,
so i wanna claim a
stake in hollywood.

we are Aquarius,

I will always be older wiser,
your just a kid.

I am
lucky to know you,
I love you,
I just wanted to remind you.

its written in the stars,
we are Aquarius,
we are friends for life

08'

Jeanniemomma

(For my sis)

God damit,
Jeaninne!

why'd you go
and get engaged.

Now I have to go and
find a
perfect wedding gift,
and
learn to dance
and
eventually shave.

You know how bad i am at
birthdays.

You know I got two left feet.

you know
I think I look cool in a beard.

Holly fuck,
You can't get married,
that will make me feel old.
you
can't
do that to me.

I'll get wrinkles, my hair will fall out, my fake teeth will be made of wood in some
environmentalist
ploy.

We haven't gone bar hopping enough.
and
I sometimes call you back late at night.
What if he's got
to work early.

Sacramento is boring.
You have to
move to L.A.
or San Francisco.
and he
never seemed the type.

You can't simply.
Take it back.
Tell em you were kiddin.
He'll understand.

Unless.

Unless,
this will make you happy.
Being
Mrs. Whatshisname.
makes you happy.
unless
this means,
someone to do the
crossword puzzle with,
and go
to Pavement shows
with all the old timers.
this will make you a mom,

unless,
you'll be happy for the rest of your long healthy eating Korean life...

Fine go ahead.
i'll understand.

The wave

There was
a shirtless man

on a bridge
above
the freeway sign

waving.

Waving to all the cars that passed below.

as I got closer random thoughts crossed my mind.
for example,

it is not natural to wave at strangers passing by,
and even
stranger to wave at strangers
driving underneath you.

Did he have an arsenal of eggs.
Was he on drugs, sometimes shirtless people are.
its one of the tell tale signs.

maybe he was just crazy,
sometimes
crazy people also
go shirtless.

What did it mean?
Why was he waving.

was this a test from god,
could it be some sort of sign.
a test of faith?

What did it mean?

this was crazy,
but i waved back just in case.

08'

Nice wedding.

I attended a
wedding.

Perhaps one
of the
best
and
I have been to my share of weddings.
bartending
in san francisco.

gay, straight,
interracial,
jewish
and
catholic.

they were all the same,
at the same time all
different.

This one moved me.

She loved him,
and he loved her.
They had a good sense of humor about it.

The priest said
they would need it,
when times
were tough.

The mariachi played
as they left the church.

the maid of honor
was beautiful.

The food, was good.
They served Cerviche,
which i'd never had,
and
still haven’t.

The best man gave his speech.
he said:
"Be happy, Have lots of babies."

he
summed up
perfectly
the answer to
the "why".

Why we go to all the trouble?
Why her, or him?
Why not you,
or me?
Why am
I here?

She loved him,
and he loved her.
this moved me.

nice wedding.

08'

Cafe Waitress

While
trying to
convince
my friends to
drive to Hayes Valley,
to visit an old friend
we went for breakfast
at mommas royal cafe.

seated.
the
waitress came.

I swear to fucken god,
I thought it was
you abi.

Your hair longer,
some new tattoos behind your ear.
but you had
those
stupid barbell earrings on.

I heard you speak
and
that's where the doubt washed in.

I wasn't sure,
but
it was in your eyes.
Those fucken eyes...
those eyes made sense...

It didn't sound like you.
I looked for the tattoos on your back...
but your jeans
weren't
low enough.

If it's you, i wanna die honey.
If it's really you i wanna hide.
If it's you i wanna
make love again.

How can i not be sure.
what's wrong with me.

Why can't I be sure.

I ask her name but she doesn't hear me.
or if she did,
she's playing cool.

pretending to not know each other,
or not pretending at all.
would it matter either way?

My friends decided to head home after breakfast.
Regardless,
I saw an old friend I hadn't seen in while.

08'

Dancing Queen

your name
mentioned
in
the car on
the
way there.

Maid of honor.
Top of the
food chain.

Taller.

single and
everyone
reminded
me so.

Dancing alone.

back bone.
a slouch.

Gripped with
fear,
then disappear.

I walk onto the dance floor,
miles
from you.

dancing alone too.

close my eyes
and
then open.
there you are.
there dancing with me.

Small.

A victory.
but, a victory none the less.

08'

the way family does.

We drove
along
in the dark,
back
from the wedding.

talking, the way friends do.

I have rarely been so
honest to anyone
about
my goals,
family,
hopes
fear.

they understood.

Wendy said

We make a new
family made up
of us.
We make a new family that accepts us.
We make a new family
that loves us.

they
understood.

we kept talking
driving
in the dark.

over the golden gate,
into
the brightness of the city.

talking the way a family
does.

08'

Celebrity

I
had some time on my hands

and decided
it
would be a good time to
visit
the kids.

It wasn't easy,
to
teach them,
inspire them,
make them laugh,
keep them safe,
guide them.

So far
it has
been the most important
thing
I have done with myself.

They
let me know
I was missed with
a genuine honesty,
not found
in any
teenager,
adult,
or old
person
let down
more
than
their fair share...

I was missed.

They swarmed me, like little papparatizzi.

They
handed me gifts,
of melted chocolate bars,
drawings of
flowers,
used erasers,
and a
half eaten candy.

They let me sing out loud,
they
wanted to hear me
sing
when
once they booed.

They
made me feel
important.

I was important to them.
I was famous to them.

I was their celebrity.

and they the toughest
audience

I will ever have had.


08'

Siamese Twin

"In our dreams we are connected
Siamese Twins, at the wrist"- b.c.

maybe
You hardly know me.

you've just hardly known me
for a
long time.

maybe.

told you we were twins,
opposite sides
of the same coin.

I claimed
I
saw my reflection in you.

You maybe took
it
the wrong way.

You made the mistake of
thinking
I was too in love with myself.

taking compliment.
acted like you
just received one.

perhaps made uncomfortable.

If I know myself
then I
know you-

pride,
comes before the fall.

I saw you in me.

of course I love you.

You just never looked back,
and
realized,
how much I can
hate myself sometimes.

08'

vagrant

Ever since
I've
know you,
you lived out of
boxes.

a vagrant.

ready to go.

I was lucky enough to catch you
during a long stretch,
where
you stayed in
one place.

when we were young, younger.

we became family.

I wanted you to know that even though,
you might have some idea
or have
a name
of where
you called home,
I always believed it was us.

your real sister,
and me.

Your home was us.

maybe including myself
in that equation is
a bit much,
too much.

But that's
how much I think of you.
that is
what you mean to me.

I worry about you,
like family does.

I am a bit upset that I can not be your bridesmaid.
I am upset that you can not have a best man.

my ego assuming,
you would ask me
to be either.

I've known you for so long.

Since
I've known you,
you lived out of boxes.

a vagrant.

kept your room
simple.

didn't own many things.

ready to go.

I've helped you move,
and sometimes you never bother to unpack.

I
visited you
in Portland,
and you still were living out of boxes.

some boxes I suspected never opened.

you've lived here and there.
never standing still for very long.

Watching people come and go.
mostly going.

You got engaged-

You will settle down.
Build a home,
and after all this time
unpack.

08'

Red, Meat.

(for nuestro groupo.)

What
the fuck has happened to us.
we
are becoming
vegetarians.
we
were immortal, invincible....bullet proof.

Indestructible,
revolutionaries,
youth,
not scared of shit,
and
talkin back.

Striking fear, ready to take to the jungles.

or at the very least
survive on
nachos and hotdogs at the
(Insert your favorite band) concert.

But
Fuck it,
why not,
maybe we got smarter,
wanna be stronger,
fuck longer.
either way...
here we go...

besides,
what good is a revolutionary,
who dies
not
defending the ideal
of
justice,
but instead
is
taken out
by a
bigmac.


08'

Jubilee

I have reason to
celebrate.

I have
had a revelation of sorts,

a reckoning.

An epiphany,
if you will.

I am
super cool,
Dynamite
Contagious.

I am a spark of god,
holy and gifted,
Divine.
Dangerous.

I am
indestructible,
bulletproof,
limited edition,
with all the bells and whistles.

now if only I could convince you too...

I am
capable of great
feats
to astonish,
surprise,
and
amaze.....

I’m the real McCoy
The genuine article,
Heavy weight
champion of the
the world.

I am
Bad Ass.

I have reached this conclusion.
It is pure Jubilee.

I am
just like you.

now if only you could convince you too.

The most beautiful

"The littlest birds
sing the prettiest songs"- JH

I have trembled, at
the sound of your song.

Holy.

Your voice is holy,
and
I have never bared witness to such beauty before.

You sat there, singing
and the most beautiful
music
came out of you.

un milagro.
era un milagro.
algo
tan bello,
tan hermoso.

Perdi me fe en religion ace mucho tiempo,
era deficil
crer,
you creo en tu voz.
yo creo en ti.

tu cancion un milagro.
que desperto algo,
adentro de mi.

desperto algo.

The bible tells
of mere mortal men
trembling at the voice of god.
trembling in fear.

I have never heard the voice of god,
but I have heard your song.

08'

thank you, humbly

said
I'd probably
let you down-

you said
i was perfect.

i have no response,
except
to thank you,
humbly.

i don't know
how to take a compliment.

i'm sorry.

i have always believed that people loved each
other because of their flaws,
not in spite of them.

i believe this
because
without them i'd have nothing to offer.

except
i believe you mean it,
and that scares me.

i believe you mean what say,
as i hope you believe this:

you are more beautiful than you know.
you are more beautiful than you know.

yeah,
(i don't know how to take compliments either...)

you are perfect,
in the eyes of god.
love yourself.

and if you can believe
me,
you won't need me,
or anyone else to let
you
down




08'

green

I tuned my Jarana,
the
best I could.

Its green strings,
match its
ribbon strap.

I have named you green.

small Jarana,
making my hands feel huge,
ape like,
foreign.


Its green strings
need to be replaced,
which
I can not do at the present time.

So me and green, make do.

I try my best to make you sing.

Tightening the strings
slowly.

Trying hard
to
get the
notes right...

I had no idea what I was doing.

It felt like making love to a girl,
taking my time,
slowly.

plucking each string,
listening.

plucking again
and again.

trying to get it right.
trying to get it perfect.

trying to make little green sing.

The strings need to be replace.

though the notes are not perfect
My Jarana and I
like any lover
before,
still make music.

08'

Hey Bo Diddley!

Hey
Bo Diddley.

You aren't
really dead, nothing
could kill you.

you had a
cobra snake
for a neck tie

you walked 47 miles
of
barb wire.

you're a man.

Spelled
M...A...N.

Man.

tonight,
all the
pretty women,
will
weep.

all the pretty women will
toss in their sleep.


the way you made love to them...

they
couldn't resist
the
diddley diddley diddley daddy.

All those,
pretty women standing in
line,
who do
they love ?

who do
they love now?

Hey Bo Diddley!
Hey Bo Diddley...

You're a man.

08'

K. looks like Carrie

It was your
nose.

You looked like Sara J. Parker.

I have a thing
for noses.

always have.

You looked like Sara J. and I wanted to get to know you.

we became best friend.
I stood you up for prom because I was too poor to go.
Freaked out when I thought you were going to marry a one earred Christan boy who cured you of
virginitiy.
and
I did nothing after he was gone.

I wanted to marry you when I was 18.
You know, so do all our friends.
your boyfriend is a punk
you know
but I never call.

You always looked like Sara J.
even after a nose job.
Just like your mom.

I dreamt about you last night
answered a question I was asking myself.
so I asked myself another.

tonight
I caught an episode of that show with Sara J. about "The City"

Thought about you again.
Because i thought your parents
were in love,
and mine weren't

Thought they
told you a secret
and maybe you knew
something I wanted to know.

Thought about how much Carrie looks like you, and not the other way around.
Thought about how I had a thing for noses, and still do.


08'

All of our friends

Fate and time has taken us like sailors, scattered, searching and suriving the sea, like Ulyesses into the unknown, drawn to sirens, drawn to song. Lost at times, Like sailors searching for fortune and fame

Fate and time, has made us age into adults, giving way to new ideas, ways of life, experience for the inexperienced. sharing grocery bills, babies, wedding rings, vows, mortgages, leases, pets, and toy collections moved into back rooms.

We are rebellion without regret, students without a schools, Lawyers without Laws to govern what or who is ours, Sinners without god, and gods without sins, Family of many mothers, looking for one another in the dark, and in the light.

In the age of when people forgot, who they were

In the age when people forgot, who they are

In the age when people were as if asleep,


In the age where people awaited the end, without a beginning
All of our friends,
will hold on together.

In the age without sacrifice
In the age without forgiveness
In the age without heroes.

we hold together.

There are no more heroes
only us.

Now go and conquer the world.

08'

Paisas wanna get down too.

So,
we sneaked into
the
employee dinner
claiming we from
restaurant 94.

I declined to participate
in the raffle,
just in case i won.

hell,
somebody,
sweated in that fucken kitchen.
all year....
might as well let homeboy
get a
fair shake
at a bike.

i will settle for the
free food, women, drinks
dancing, friends
and
karaoke

Karaoke?!

fuck yeah karioki, cuz Paisas wanna get down too...

The dj, not
really bothering with
translating to english
half the time,
and
no one noticing anyway...

Paisas love to get down on the karioki.

Cantar
para
bailar.
a la buenas y al las malas...

technicos contra rudos.

Cantar a la pura brava...
con
todo
alma...

Cantando en mi primera idioma...

I wanna git down.
i wanna get down...
i came to get down....
but don't know any songs in espanish.
and in
spanglish...kinda
and
only humm in nawa.......

fuck! i can hardly even spell in english.

I sign up,
but chicken out. not sure this is the
right crowd. I
get dared, double dared, punked, and harrassed
by the homies.
Fine! i'll do it.

I'm gonna sing in english.
its ok.
fuck the haters, nobody calls me chicken.

I thank god
as the singer before us, clears out
the dance floor like the plague.
doing me a favor........
as
my song comes on.....

I let go,
don't give a fuck!
check out and
belt out an Elvis song.

Moving my hips and shakin like
eplilepsy....
i came to get down...

a small group of people get up,
to rock and roll.

They
move and groove,
the way god intend
our asses to
shake.

The joint was rocken,
Paisas gettin down to
Jail house rock!!!

cuz all year its work
hard work,
shit work,
bills,
and thankless work.
long hours
and thankless kids.


The Paisas came to get down tonite...and they weren’t gonna me
or thing else
get in the way.

08'

pickup artist

I have a place i go to write.
surrounded by books, but more importantly women.

it is my spot.
full of life,
commotion
and Armenians.

Today the people next to me
wouldn't shut up.

So.
I moved tables,
next to a little old lady.

She was old.
really old
taking up
a big table.
Plastic
bags of junk around her.

She spoke to me.

She told me
she was Armenian
she said she spoke three
langues as a child.
she said she learned spanish
in Argentinia,
she spoke to me in spanish...
and wanted to know what i was
studying,
learning,
reading.

I responded in spanish, i was polite.
kind.

While I spoke I thought to myself:
Loneliness must be a real bitch.
our elderly
reaching out, desperate
for human contact.

then for a second it crossed my mind.
or
maybe she just thought i was cute.


08'

Mustache

I've
had alot on my
mind.

and
I wasn't sure
what to
do
so i have decided to
grow a
mustache.

It wont be a
very
impressive one.

modest really.
simple.

I think my face can handle it.
I think it will be fine.

The beatles had mustaches, and
the girls didn't seem to
mind.

I had an uncle who had
a mustache,
and his wife never
left him.

in prison it would almost be rude not to grow one....

I have decided to grow a mustache,
until
I can decided what to do about her.

When you see me on the street you'll be able tell,
if
i've come to a decision.
Either,
by
my stylish mustache,
the girl on my arm,
or
both.

08'

Sylmar in the news

I live in
Sylmar.

Most people
don't know where that is.

We were in the news today.

A goat, A bull, and a cow

were loose
in the streets.

they had escaped.
getting the fuck out of Dogde.

Alone,
any one of them escaping
wouldn't bat an eye.
But,
Together this
was news.
a mass exodus...
biblical even.

I love Sylmar,
But
I got scared,
maybe they know something i don't....

08'

Babies

Crazy
month for
weddings and babies.

I'm around that age,
it's around
that time.

people I know,

getting married.
having
babies.

Babies.

I had a dream
where I
was holding
a
baby.

I didn't recognize the mother.
I felt unsure.
and this was just a dream.

I want some kids,
I want a wife,
I want
a home with a picket fence,
and a lemon tree.

These thoughts
have just flooded
me.

caught me unprepared.

Made me feel
worried,
that I
was running out of time.

I was going to resort. I was going to have to settle. I was going to have to...

Whoa Nelly!
Hold your horses.
Hold on there.
Stop the presses

What am I thinking?
I am guy.

I have no biological clock.
I look the
same.
I look young.
I'm a badass....

my kids will be born brilliant beautiful brown little bad asses!

all in good time.
all in good time.

Crazy month
for weddings and babies.
Crazy.

09'

Evil Elvis

Elvis
was dangerous,
surly,
rude.

The devil's music and
a simple country boy
scared the preachers,
fathers
and
made teenage girls scream
for reason
they couldn't
fully understand
yet.

He was a thief, public enemy number one, and evil.

So,
Uncle Sam drafted his
ass.

Gave him some pills to go to sleep and cut his hair.
Sent him back,
but like coming back from death, your never quite the same.

Elvis
went to Hollywood.
Became a race car driver, a boxer, a kissin cousin,
a flaming star,
he became domesticated.
Castrated.
and Safe.

the movies killed him.....

He once made a flick called
Kid Ceorol.
There stood elvis.
Singing about
how evil he was.
in a white tuxedo and bow tie..

He looked like a evil waiter,
but a waiter none the less.

The girls still screamed,
but
it just wasn't the same.

08'

Monty Got a Raw Deal

(for montell)

oh hell no!
Monty got a
raw deal.

Fox
fucked em up.

Monty,
got canceled,
for tellin all the white folks ,
soldiers died in war.

Monty got sucker punched, blind sided hardcore, that
not even
psychic
Sylvia brown,
saw coming.

The Fox people
wanted Monty to pine for Heath.
Comment,
on a brokeback life,
they wanted a knight's tale.
or at the very least
10 things he hated about Heath.

so it goes
a single actor dead is a tragedy.
28 soldiers souls is
a statistic.


Monty got a raw deal,
for tellin all the white folks,
soldiers die in wars.
This war.
Soldiers died in this war
and nobody knows their names.

In the future everyone will be famous.

08'

its the glasses

I don't want to disappoint you,
the superman
you've imagined
can fly,
he can leap tall buildings,
cold breath,
heat vision,
he can save you.

he can fly,

although, it's clark kent that
loves lois-

he loves her, 

and clark's just people,
he's pretending-
he wants to be like her
he's wants to just be ordinary people-
just like her.

he's the same guy.
and all she can see is the glasses-

I don't want to disappoint you

so I pretend

I;m just people

I'm just ordinary people

I do not wear glasses

but it's all you see

you still seem to see 

only yourself

in the glass

that isn't there.

09'

Gustavo Dudamel

"The music saved me, I am sure of this."
you said.

Gustavo
Dudamel-

mad man,
wild hair,
and
possessed
by god.

not only
a conductor of
music
but
of electricity-

a
rod
conducting
lighting through his
body
as the divine sound of
Beethoven, Mahler, and
Bernstein...
heals.

In
Venezuela,
"el systema"
gave you a shot,
because you were poor.

arms to short for the trombone
so
you played violin.


blessed by god and socialism-
you
conducted.

at first, only in your head but then for the pope.

you were poor in Venezuela.
you could have been a thief,
a beggar,
a carpenter,
a shoemaker sniffing glue-
but
you were blessed by god and socialism.

Welcome to Los Angeles-
a city
where there is never money for education,
let alone,
a cracked
violin
(made in china) for the hands of its
colored children.-

Gustavo
you will be
king of
los angeles
philharmonic.

king of a city
that speaks your native tongue in
restaurants,
bus stops,
car washes
and
prisons.

Welcome to Los Angeles-
you said
you'd go into the poor neighborhoods
and bring the music.

because the poor
here
and the poor of Venezuela
are the same
as the poor anywhere.

you will save a life with music,
I am sure
of this too.

08'

HAPPY FEET

This is an open letter to penguins.

Hey,
what the fuck?!

You're birds,
fly goddamit,
fly.

Flying is easy,
You just
let
yourself go.

and go off into the air...

Don't be scared of falling.
you haven't
even left the ground
yet.

its too soon to worry
about
anything
of that
nature.

don't be scared of how to land,
these things
just happen,
naturally.

don't be scared,
be....
free...
You cant dance so don't give me that being diffrent shit.
The unknown is
always scarry
sometimes fustrating,
but worth it,
because
you cant
always have
happy feet
firmly planted
on the ground.

08'

slight pause

I've been silent for awhile.

in my life
i
needed a slight pause
to
gather my thoughts.

a pause to
come to a reckoning

of what it has meant
in few words, as possible.

I will miss those kids, and with all my heart
I
hope i have made a difference for the better.

I will never be completely certain,
and this made me pause.

how will i know?

"how" is the
rational mind,
the heart just "knows".

I wanted to pass on something I know,
something that did not require the
elevated mind of the Buddha
to
comprehend.

I told them.

"We all make mistakes,
We all make mistakes,
We all make mistakes,
it is what you do afterwards that tell you who you are."

it is not profound, nor earth shattering.
just something for
them to
pause
and think about.

it won't solve all their problems.
but it might help with some.

I reckon that’s good enough

08'

Cruel

I.

I didn't need
a haircut,
me and royal crown
pomenade
were doing just fine.

But,
I went anyways.

Some believe there is a plan,
a plan to the universe: divine, mathimatical or subatomic.
The universe tilting, shoving, exploding and expanding all guiding us to the place we need to be, like a cosmic pinball machine..
even with
something as simple as a trim.

The last time i came here,
it took three armenian translators to get my hair cut.
but thats
ok.
I enjoy alittle
risk, i enjoy living dangerously,
i like suprises.

Today was the day i met you.

II.

I
have always been facinated by
stories of how people meet.
sometimes they "just"
meet.

the universe flipping switches, winding, turning knobs, and pulling levers, as people meet,
in supermarkets, circuses, rehabs, opera's, weddings, churches, dancefloors, gasstations, bars, and prisons everyday.

Today was the day i met you.

You were friendly,
but i know its
part of the job.
But you seemed genuine, and caring.
Far more than needed
for gratuity.

You told me about your
daddy,
and
your sensual poems.

You were too cool.

You were an artist.
You were funny,
you wore those
pants that i
make fun of, on
other people.

I tried to play it cool,
but
I'm not.

I didn't want to be,
"that guy"
(I am not another guy overtaken by beauty, not another guy peddleling his lines at the market. not another guy who just kneels and prays without asking to see the menu.)

I am not "that guy".


I am:
Created by the divine spark of god. I am, a criminal mastermind, a
saint, and an angel. I believe in magic even though i'm a horrible
speller.I am a fun date, a hooker with a heart of gold, and well
respected man about town. I am stand up, and stand for. gunslinger,
gun for hire. I am brave, silly, and can take a punch.Bring home the bacon and to
your mom, because she warned you about me. I am brown skin, an inside man, and outside the box. i am kind. I have slow hands that move like they
know what they doing. I am out of tune, two left feet, but the life
of your political party. The last of the famous international playboys, and
the boy next door. Thief of hearts, and Jack of all trades. I am,
just your average hero.
I am just like you.

but i am not "that guy".

I have been compromising, shortchanging, sabotaging,
and settling for less
since i got back.

taking one for the team, for too long.
you were too cool.

it all made sense again.
i knew why again.
i wanted to
try
again.

I didn't need
a haircut,
me and royal crown
pomenade
were doing just fine.

Then I met you.
I wish i never had.

its not everyday you find exactly what you've been looking for.
its not everyday you find exactly what you've
waited for,
and then hand
a tip, mumble something incoherent and wave goodbye.

this is cruel.



08'

Los Emo’s

I sometimes watch the news en espanol
with
my family.

It is one part tabloid one part gossip and the rest is the weather.

The story tonight was about the emo kids of Mexico. the punkettas

There were the anti-emo’s who wanted to beat up the emo’s.

The anti emo’s would wear gas masks and carry bats.

There was some kinda of rumble of punkettas and anti emo’s

it was hard to tell from the story if it was about homophobia or whether the anti emo’s just hated their musical preferences.

Either way the emo’s should have a right to fuck who ever they want. and look as stupid as they want doing it.

Machismo in our countries is a genetic disease. ( Affecting the XX Chromosomes)
It is disease who’s symptoms are crimes, too many to mention.

In a country that is fucked in ass by corruption you’d think the anti emo’s would have better things to do, and gas masks are a bit too much.

a girl interviewed for the story said that just because a man cries doesn’t make him less of a man.

The next story was about Guatemala beating Mexico at the Olympic qualifiers.

With the story title Ganan Los Chapin’s!

I was so happy,
I almost cried.

Now that, that is a news story.

08'

Noun on verb action.

(b side)

when my words
lay down on the white sheets of paper
to get it on,
they do it in groups,
next to
single letters going it solo.

Its dirty,
its poetry.
its fiction
its trash,
its
verb on verb ,
Noun on verb action.

Like the diffrence
between,
the act of making
love,
fucking and making whoopee
they don't have time to rhyme,
they
don't do quatraines,
meters,
or the lotus position.

Cheap
Messy
Misspelled
Anonymus,

Its dirty,
its poetry.
its fiction
its trash,
its
noun on noun,
verb on noun action,


you read along,
vouyers,
[in
his or hers
raincoats,
looking around making
sure no one is watching
you
reading these words,
with the door locked,
ashamed and satisfied.]

08

The Penguin

Unlike
most Batman
villains,
the penguin
was not
insane.

He
just had
a flare
about things.

3 to 4 feet of
pudgy
ladies man.
Tuxedos,
Suits,
Umbrellas,
Lavenders,
Purples,
an extension for his
cigarette
Chaps on his shoes
a Monocle
and Top Hat.
motherfucker looked like Dick Cheney.

Not insane,
but close.

08'

baby cult

did you hear
about those
teenager girls
having babies.

about 16 of them
all at once.

they made a pact to raise their children together.

they
got pregnant together,
as if
getting
matching tatoos,
was no longer
cool.

sixteen teenagers decided to create life,
children making children.

I heard the school was now gonna hand out condoms, without parent consent.
as to suggest,
better late than never.

One pregnant
teenager is an independent film.

but
sixteen...
sixteen is a cult.

a baby cult.

giving pause to the western world.
giving pause to parents,
entertaining thoughts of
religion and
chastity belts.

They made the evening news.
but
It is not the end of the world.

when humanity first crawled from the mud,
it had food,
water,
and
the comfort of shade.

before
satellites, leases, fast food,
kings, and the english language,

before the male god,
when
god was a woman

before
Interwebs
drivers licences,
and hip hop

before
clocks,
the roman calander,
and
gasoline.

before god hated
the poor and loved
the rich.

making life was sacred.

it was god's will,
when god
was a woman.

It is not the
end of the world,
however should
anyone survive the end,
should
the female god make good
on her promise
this would be
a good begining.

08'

C word.

He tried to make me feel bad by calling me a clown.

I thought about it while we were talking, wondering if it was true.

It stung for a second because maybe he was right that i was.

Maybe that was who i was, maybe everyone agreed.
Maybe it was time to go. Leave the microphone.

Is it because i do my elvis impressions, the penguin poems, is it the jokes was it because i dressed up like a pirate once, it was just once.

I started to laugh at myself. I laughed good. I felt better, I felt good. It was healing.
I like laughing,

I love to hear it from others, it is the gift i try to give. it is medicine for our times.

Clown? Maybe?
There are worse things to be than a clown.


08'

N.A.S.T.A

I started to think about
that one,
astronaut lady-

The one that was
all crazy,
and shit.

she was apparently
a sex fiend.

The US of A
blastn her sex fiend ass into
space-

millions of dollars
to blast her ass into space,
and it wasn't enough.

She
finally she was undone
by jealousy.
broke in
and attempted to kidnap
somebody's girlfriend.

they say she had pampers
In her car trunk
when they busted her.
they say she liked to
wear them-

the news said that NASA
would test for
shit like this.

they said that NASA would test for
that kind of thing-

i think they will ask
what kind
of sex you have-
before they blast your ass
into space-

diagnosis it like a mental illness-

i've had good sex before,
and i can confirm...
that shit was crazy!

08'

She said, it was dedicated to me....

She said,
it was dedicated to me....
then went off
with her poem.
went off
on some low life scum
and the bums that
her friends
had fallen for.

she might have been kidding,
she might not have,
either way,
in L.A.
there's no such thing as bad
publicity

08