You Are

you are
the smallest thing

tiny,
fragile-

i am a
giant to you..

towering over,
making baby sounds,
holding toys,
watching my step,

as you
threaten me with your imaginary teeth-

yet my heart
opens for you.


you sleep by foot,
and i do not move

i am sentimental

and
leader of our pack

you growl,  the faintest growl-
comical-
as
small paws
claw at
my heart,
leaving in doubt who, is really
who's master.

09'

Landmine

Working on a movie set.

Stepping on an important prop,
Shattering it.

Unaware it was there.

Like stepping on
a land mine.


The director does not yell.

But
I know.

You'll never work
in this town again.

Time to disappear
and die.

Shooting at a cemetery.
(It would have been
convenient.)


09'

not interested

not interested
in what you have to say
or
items on sale

not interested
in saving anything with a petition
or
being saved

not interested
in their war
or
their achievement in the field of science

not interested
in you
or
in your lack of interest in me.

abstract 1

(b side)

You are where the line begins
and ends.

Unaware.
Looking up at the sky.
mocking the moon

You are slight of hand moving
slowly

Caught.
Drinking ice and inhaling rain.
Speaking in tongues

You are laughter pushing the
sails forward.

Echoing
Falling from branches.
feeling the sting
of the cold.

09'

tamale hustle

it's all about the tamale hustle,
making something out of nothing

when you don't have access to wall street,
main street,
easy street -
even though
you're a rent check away
from living on the street

yelling out "tamales",
with no
license, permit
or document legalizing
your right to existence

yelling out "tamales"
like
yelling out "fire"-
"fire"-
to
anyone and everyone

yelling out "tamales"
because
yelling out for
"help"
will get you nowhere.


09

Reset

(b side)

can we
pretend we just met.

i'd be
grateful if you'd just
hit reset-

let bygones be bygones
and let them slip through the net.

gimme a chance to
give and
not just get,

partners in crime
willing to aid and abet-

not asking you to forget
my crimes
just yet,

I'm not ready
to become a causality of
regret-
just yet.

not ready to
call off the bet
just yet.

I'm
ready on your mark-
get ready,
get set...

09'

Rock Stars

Rock Stars will grow old-

and you will swear that it was only yesterday,
you sang
along
to their hymns of youth

They will grow old
and only be remembered

like records
like Polaroids
like the fox trot

They will be replaced
like batteries
like shoes
like wives

Rock stars will grow old
and
you will swear they have
broken their promise to
keep you young.

They will grow old and become broken-
like promises
like bridges
like spines

Rock Stars will grow old-

like your dog
like your parents
like you, will grow old.



09'

the eighth continent

in the middle of the ocean there
is a
large mass of trash,
twice the size of texas.

it is where all the trash goes.

it is toxic to
life.

it kills the birds
and the fish,

but it is so far away nobody cares.

one day-

she will be there,
these
words will be there,
that movie will be there,
the neighbor will be there,
and most politicians
and bored teachers-
her best friend,

her shoes,
and
her modest dress,
letters to friends,
letters to former friends,

their promises
and
offers,

their love,
their hate,
their absurdity

will be there.

one day i may find myself there,
on the eighth continent.
its president,
its king,
its ruler-

it is where all the trash goes.


09'

The Scavengers

Its late

Its dark

and the only sound

comes from

the loud rattle of cans.

I don't have to see

to know the

scavengers are going through

the trash lookin for

cans

I hear them-

aluminum crashing

against its

brother

like colorful atoms smashing into one another

in plastic bags

I hear them-

rummaging through-

collecting

nuggets

like miners in the gold rush
laying claim to our street.

this is money

others have the thrown out.

dirty money

recovered

from black trash bags,

like body bags-

intended to carry away the dead,

the old

the useless.

to be buried

and forgotten

the scavengers

know no shame in this-

know no pride in this

they know only need.

i feel sorry for them-

only because,

we never have

any cans

in our trash bin-

we know need, as well.
we are scavengers too.

09'

an understanding of sorts

I've missed
too many engagements.

I've
made too many plans-
and kept few.

I understand all too perfectly
and i am quite aware,
eventually the
invitations will stop.

the loneliness will creep in like the cold or a ghost-
eventually.

its hard to keep the few friends
i have left happy.

which is why i like to
keep in touch with
my enemies, the lazy,
the flakes and the
bored.

they understand

and require
no apologies.

09'

passing isn't everything

(B side)

you didn't score very well on my test.
I mean,
better than most.

but
you met a boring man,
in a boring city

in a boring way.

Well Blondie,
what can i say,
except

multiple choice
standardized.
fill in the blank

he passed the test .

the dress was very new york

we were
driving around
for hours,
looking
for a place to take a vacation.

You'd just come back
from a wedding and
your
dress was very new york,
you wore it well.

we are like family.
you gave me flowers
to take to my mother.

we are like family.
safe in each others company.

one day soon,
you'll be married.

one day soon

you'll ask me to visit,
to come
and see your baby.

and I will-

But tonight
I just  want to remember we
were also young.

I want to remember we used to roam cities
with nowhere to go.

I want to remember
the simplicity of tonight
and
your dress.

It was very new york,
you
wore it well-


11'

the fourth

the fourth of july,
is an odd
one.

I remember,
living in a frat house for
one-

living on her couch for another,-

my best friend at the time
and I
worked at the race track and had a beer when
we were done, for the next

then I came home.
the fire works in the neighborhood
would scare my dog Ted.

I miss them,
and those days.

I never feel very independent
on Independence Day.

We had a guest from
England this year, my sisters friend-
i was invited to join them at the aquarium to see the show.
but i just stayed home instead.

You could see the lights
from the backyard.
You could hear the fireworks all night.

But really, I just miss my dog.

09'

not by a long shot

I missed you.

even
though there
probably wasn't much to say,
I
thought i'd give it a shot.

But there is a indifference there
there is a grudge still there

you're
still the same,
making me wait in the
back of a firing line,

never saying Fire,
then
retreating.

and
even though
I
missed you-

I was the one
who
dodged that bullet.

how about that heat

The heat is getting to me,
or perhaps
I am wearing
it down

one of us will eventually give up.

at first I thought i was sure to be the victor,

the summer
retreating again and again and again.

growing bored or tired
ceding to Fall

but i can only win so long.
eventually

one day
I will retreat
into the most peaceful shade,
the coolest shade
underneath the ground.

till then the heat and I,
each nod politely-

competitors

and
wait
each other out.

 09

mr. jackson

they was trying to get at your money son,
trying to jack what you had-

because you were Bad-

maybe you did it,
maybe you didn't.

maybe it was just their greed.
you were poor too...once.

now you're dead,
and
you meant
something to people.

though the meaning
has changed over time-

but they wanna forgive.

they wanna forgive you
but no one wants to
say it-

because it would
be admission,
of
too
much
perhaps.

the king of pop-
popped too many pills
popped too many pills to kill the pain-

You got hooked
you got high,
and you fell-

and not just
with the drugs.

maybe you got carried away.
maybe there weren't enough pills
to kill that kind of pain-

better luck in the next life,
cuz in this one

you got jacked son


09'

escape plan

it was my fault really,
i felt like bringing me along was too much,

one was fine,
but two was imposing,

i was imposing.

so we decided,
that it was for the best
to

make other plans.

but she wanted to see you,
i wanted to see you,

[ We had no intention of reliving the past but instead
creating the future
something new

and
we wanted to escape
fiancees, resumes, loneliness and responsibilities ]

and we wanted to
walk down the streets of
los angeles
drunk
wild
juvenile

with you

you had places to be,
and things to do.

[and i suspect better things to do]

you will always be included in the plans for escape,
even if you
have no intention
of coming along.

[even if you
had nothing in your
life
you needed
to escape
from]

09'

give

I gave in to you,
blue eyes,
light hair
soft skin

i gave in to you,
but you make your attention seem
like charity-

like giving to the poor-

i gave up on the violin
and
i gave up on the oil paints


i gave up on being a lawyer
or a dentist
or a saint


i gave up on books
and cigarettes,


i gave up on pleasing people
or parents
or saving anyone

i gave up on god,
what makes you think i won't give up on you.

09'

stand still

they came in
like missionaries

like
angels

like
Valkyries

taking the slain
outside
for conversation.

letting me know I'm babysitting my
beer.

finding out we all know the same lesbian,

talking me out of not
meeting women tonight,

[ reminding me there are women to dance with all around
just standing there-

telling me
to meet them all, until they call last call and see who is
left still standing-
[and who will fall.]


they came in like missionaries:

remembering last time,
they made a vow
to help find a girl who wouldn't mind the company or the sudden departure

[even though
i had not shown up alone-]

they came in like angels:
finding me alone and inching me off
the precipice

to see if i could fly-

they came in like Valkyries:
just to remind me that i am not dead yet,

no, not dead yet
just
standing still.]

09'

pity dance

Moments in I realize-

that this is a pity dance,
that she might be under the impression she is doing me a favor-

helping me out,
somehow-

maybe making assumptions.

I find myself dancing with a girl looking away
off into the distance
a million miles away from where we are-

this is a pity dance-

my ego is
wounded-

my ego feels
ashamed-

I find myself dancing with a girl whose eyes
are looking into a near distant future-
or the past
anywhere but here.

and I am doing the same-

trying to escape
the here and now-

when it hits me,
i love to dance,
i find a joy in it.
i love to dance no matter how god awful i am
i love to dance no matter whose watching

i love to feel alive
in my own body.

[i love to feel alive

because in my mind:

i've wasted time fighting myself
i've wasted time fighting enjoyment
i've wasted life

my ego goes quiet,
my ego goes silent

as i connect with
the present.

as i try to connect with the eyes
of her.

connect with her body

connect with the sound, and moment

connect with it all of it, letting it in

awakened
aware
alive

letting go of the whys
and hows

being here,
now.
being present

[fuck it, people wait their lives
for spiritual moments to happen in spiritual places.
but that is not life, that is waiting.]

it was a pity dance:
It was a pity i wasted half the dance, with a nice girl.

09'

Gifts from L.

I have received gifts
from lesbians
before-

don't get me wrong,

but this
was
special.

She gave me H.O.P.E

she gave me
a
block
letter
necklace that spelled out "HOPE",
with a half purple moon
on one end,
and a green star
on the other
all
hanging on blue string

she gave it to me for
luck
to meet women.

i wore it,
H O P E
hangin from my neck-

I went back out
I went on,
not wanting to let her down-

I have received gifts
from lesbians
before-
but

She gave me hope,
which is
more than i could say
for any straight woman [lately].

09

tux

(b side)


i could never write a song.

my love is nonsense,
misspelled

and sentimental

i could never write a song

my hate is uncommitted,
apologetic

and is late for an appointment

i could never write a song

because the words
don't have a tux for
the prom,

the dough for the room,

and is sure his dates virginity, was lost to the boy with the golden voice.

09'

Spark

There was no spark-

one
that could
set the whole forest on fire.

no spark, no fire
leaving the trees to stand

[haunted,
with the ghosts of
them]

the old trees
of past mistakes

the old trees
leaving deep roots inside me.

forming new rings around me
as time goes on.


I was hoping you could
set it ablaze-

hoping you could
free the land,
with the simplest of acts-

but there was
no spark-

no spark
to set
fire-

So the forest stands intact-
[haunted]

no spark,
not even to keep warm
or
to make the
ember
glow

just a cold breeze
then nothing.

09'

bridge to nowhere

She is a bridge to nowhere,

but i walked miles
in the sun
across rocks
and hills
streams
and
past snakes
to cross it.

walking
lost
alone
hurried and determined
to reach a bridge to nowhere.

there are things we choose
to do
and
things
we must do.

I had no choice.
it is a
such a beautiful bridge.

she is
bridge to nowhere
and
led me
precisely
there.


09'

volcano

They throw
sacrifice into volcanoes

to appease the gods.

my blood,
it burns-
it flows in the
chambers of the heart
patiently-
waiting.

the gods
let the heart rest
at ease while they slumber before an eruption.

but she disturbs my existence
with peace-
serenity.

in her eyes
there is the tranquility of water

clear pools

diving in-
profound,
taking deep breaths
and
I sink

in her eyes
there is the tranquility of water

there
i find the
opposite of me

the opposite
of fire-

extinguished
unable to act

except to
write down words-

Those eyes require sacrifice
to appease them-

should these words fail,
i don't know what will happen.

09'

hang

[she is new]
[she has my full attention]

she makes me feel like I'm walking on air.

but before i can begin-
[before we can hang out]
there are
certain things
I need to do.

I've been
tying up
loose ends

collecting
loose threads

so many threads
they tangle
until
I have a rope-

a rope is
a dangerous
thing
to have-

give a man enough rope and
he will hang himself
[by the neck -
leaving him]:

walking on air-

but not the way
I had in mind.


09'

the book

face book is
a holy book-

the
closest thing to
spiritual connection
there
is
without spirituality.

the closest
thing to being
there-
in the present
moment-

without having to try.

filling the need for
connection
via high speed connection

filling the void
with zeros and ones

Digitally
making us one

we are one consciousness.
one
artificial intelligence-

the soul an artifact.

information articulated

information:
instant
constant
insistent-

feeding the need for
connection-

feeding live
feeding frenzy,


face book
a holy book-
its telling a story
about a billion
lonely people

who

wanted a world with the ubiquity of god
without
him
in it



09'

mincing words

Ancient Chinese recipe for Tiger Soup:
"First catch the tiger...."



I was worried that I was
too easy to find.

There was too much of
myself out there.

I know you came looking.
but not just you,
the other one too...

There were too many
cooks in the kitchen.

I began to mince my words.

the poems suffered...

Blanched, Boiled, Braised
[(watered down)]

undercooked-
raw,

Too many cooks
have spoiled
the broth.


[she says]
If you can't take the heat,
get out of the kitchen-

But there is too much of myself
out there for you to find-

I have no where to go-

so the words and the poems
will have to do-

I will have to do-
You will have to do-

and now we're
cooking with gas.


09'

black out

there was a black out on my block.
it lasted all night-


the cosmetic company
and the bottling company
had
their lights up
first,

(because they weren't poor)

while I sat around in the dark.

Unplugged,
Disconnected,
Bored.

There was nothing to do but think.

The greatest minds
of our species
wrote in the dark
by candle light.

Rousseau,
Jefferson
Locke
Aristotle

fiat lux

Meanwhile
all I could think about was women.

the darkness was wasted on me.


09'

man about town

I've been going out more on my own-

a man about town

which is
something new

I'd be lying if didn't think about
what could go wrong-

yet

meeting people
is easy,

meeting the right people is a game of chance,

like poker,
like roulette,
or dice,

I've been meeting
more women.

meeting women
is easier when
you don't want anything from them.

I have become
escape artist,
scientist
fraud,
cosmic dancer,
crook,
mouse,
poet,
comedian,
eligible bachelor
the last of famous international playboys,
-and myself

a man about town
a man about to leave
about to go home

[a man about to go to sleep-
alone.]

09'

out loud

I don't even know why
I decided to approach her,
I don't even smoke anymore.

and

Yes,
when she told me her parents were
from Guatemala,

there was a part of me that....
I mean it crossed my mind...
I took it
under consideration-


I liked the way it was
going,
it reached a point
where you were taking me seriously,
and
she waited for one of us
to blink.

I blinked.

I let her off the hook-

I know Guatemalan's
I happen to be one.

and

Of all the Guatemalan men
I have met,
all but one has
let me down.

She seemed like a nice
girl,
why would I do that to her.

I would i inflict upon her
a Guatemalan man,
I would i inflict myself upon
her.

or
maybe I just spared
myself years,
and years of whatever the name for it is...

after all she is a Guatamelan woman.

although, then again, and
however-

I have come to accept that
one day I will have children
who might be inter- racial
mixed,
exotic?

meeting her-
well,
it gave
me pause.

I realized I
would like to have
Guatamelan children.


I told Bob
about meeting her.

He called her the idealized "one"

I cringed in
embarrassment-
not because it wasn't true-


There's
just something about
hearing your hopes
out loud.

09'

too much

"full of sound and fury signifying nothing"
- Shaka Spear ray



there was no need to prove
that
you've read a book
or two

no need to
talk about
every television show
you've seen.

there was no
need to
talk about a city
you no longer live in

I mean
you just came off
trying too hard, know it all jerk,

it was only funny at first.

only for awhile...

could the
silence be that
bad?

what scares you about that
silence?

who are you in the silence?

there was no need to pretend
not to be scared-

there was no need,
but "I" did it anyways...

09'

Two Haiku's

she said she was here
to enjoy a smoke, or two
i was just extra




she's got big blue eyes
and mine are darker than dark
a staring contest

09'

she’s sweet

It's my fault,
I guess.
I just waited too long.

they say
it is the curse of all nice guys.

But
I'm not nice.

I'm not shy-
but maybe cursed.

all i have is your kindness,
your smile.

that smile heals
me.
your mouth-
beautiful, and kind
heals-
and i can only say, thank you-

thank you...

and

with this i let you go-
leaving
a bitter taste in my mouth-

the bitter taste
of defeat-

the bitter taste of
missed
opportunity-
of regret
of phantom kisses
of ever hearing my name on your lips-

I just waited too long.

Someone
told me you were a sweet girl.

I'll have
to take their word for it.



09'

soundtrack

You chose

34 songs to tell
your story.

everything from wham to LL. miss janet to shania, jay z to billy joel.
I listened.

it was suppose to be the soundtrack to your life
and i
caught a glimpses of a girl
becoming a young woman,
into an adult.

I can't pretend to know who you
really
are
based on
madaonna, ludacris and jimmy buffet

I can't pretend to know on
this alone, but
[I listened and tried to
understand.]

Last time I saw you
I told you had a positive vibe-
I think you are good people.

and I mean it.

I may never know all the words to your song-
but
i can hum along.



09'

gonna be friends

for my new friend...



We are
gonna be friends,
and it pulls a grin on my face like
a curtain opening
the show on the stage.

We are gonna be friends,
and this time all
I have to offer-
Is all you
asking for.

there will be no broken hearts,
there will be no need to leave,
there will be no
goodbyes,


it is sincere,
and very few thing are these days.

we are gonna be friends
and
It makes me
smile.

09'

amble

some day I'll be in a rocking chair.

maybe lucid,
maybe
glitching between memory, daydreams and
crazy.

some day,
but not today-

today i choose to amble,
among the trees,
the streams
and rocks.

the heat of golden sunlight
the cold of the waters stream

the air in my lungs
connecting me to
it all-

communing with god-
communing with myself-

It's was a nice day for walk.

and I think I'll amble tomorrow as well
and the day after that,
and the day after that.

until I am too old-
too tired
and
no longer able to move-
until I am
not
even able to crawl on the floor
inching forward
on the all strength of my fingers
dragging my weight to freedom.

finally
surrendering to the rocking chair.
(but
not
one damn
second before.)

--

It was a nice day for a walk today.



09'

curiosity

They came looking
because they know my name-


They came lookin for answers.

They came lookin
for me.

But
I can't help you.

They came lookin because
they were sure
something was there-

or they hoped I wouldn't let them down.

But
I can't help you.

[Curiosity kills
I know,
I've died many times-
myself.

Curiosity kills-
n'
You wanted to know,
n'
you still don't know-

Curiosity kills-
and you've already spent
eight other lives
on eight other names-

but i can't help you.

one left
one out of nine
and you came looking for me.

hoping I'd be the one,
someone
anyone.

I don't want to disappoint you-
with everything
with anything.

but I can't help you.

When you fall this time,
I hope you land on your feet.]

09'

high five

Maybe,
a high five
isn't very romantic,
and I should have asked your
name
sooner than I did.
much sooner than I did...

but the world is funny this way,
unpredicatble,
unplanned
and full of meant to be's and
might as well's, unscripted

this was one of a hundred diffrent ways-

and maybe a high
five wasn't very romantic...
but
[there will be time for romance,
there will be lot's of time-
all the things worth waiting for]

all great stories
have to start
somewhere,

and this is how ours began.

09'

Spicy Mustard

It's like my latest obsession with spicy mustard-

I hated spicy mustard-

but there it was, bought by mistake.
I couldn't let it go to waste.

a whole bottle.

I hated it the first two times-
but now i can't get enough...

I was making meals to put the spicy mustard on
even though I just wanted to taste
the mustard-

I cooked food,
I didn't necessarily need at the time-
don't worry
it's not a thing with me-
don't worry
it's only until the mustard runs out.

It was an acquired taste,

and I acquired it.

I won't let you
go to waste
either

rain dance.

I have long since realized,
that
women are like water,
the oceans,
rivers and
streams-
they flow in and out of my life,

like rain they find their way.

they are a force of nature,
Beyond my control-

[the tide, the flow, rise and fall-
all beyond my control]

the seasons bring them
as snow, as hail
as rain,
as storms
as drought

all I can do is wait-

because
I don't believe in the rain dance.

what brings them has no name-
what brings them i do not understand
and what takes them even less.

but i will not
do
the dance.

There is nothing in
the sky to
beg-

only clouds


the cycle continues
whether i understand it or not
believe in it or not-

[evaporation,
condensation,
and
what ever the last one is called.]

09'

200 poems

I have returned to the open mic,
i had
lost in a cosmic hand of poker.

I have returned as
audience member and
sometimes
as performer,
but
no longer, its host, ringleader, villan .

the new host called me up
to show there were no hard feelings.

so i went back- and

the first night i put on a show-

one girl laughed,
thought I was funny-

she asked me to perform the second time,
though i had nothing to say-

took the signup to me the third time,
(prepared-bringing 200 poems with me)

read two short poems, made one up
and
was told to get off stage,

it was awkward.


I could have disappointed
her and the crowd with only one poem,

I really didn't need to bring so many poems-

I know, I know

I know, I know, that:

I don't know
everything.

I don't know more than you.

I don't know everything about
music, or god or women

I don't know everything about
comics or books, or film

I don't know everything
about science, politics, or
art.

I don't even
know myself.

I don't know what to do...

But luckily-
you might.


09'

So like

It is difficult sometimes
to explain
that all you want is nothing.

that
they
have nothing you
want
and you want nothing.

[it is difficult to explain you are offering nothing
as well]

you simply want to
stand in thier presence
in a zen moment of present being-
in
awareness of existence.

holy.

perfect in no
expectation-
whole

in the nothing.

to stand in thier
presences
with out them wondering

"so like....what do you want?"

because they couldn't give it to you anyways.

09'

Bulletin

It is embarrassing to admit
but it worked.

that thing you did: I was
amused,
and entertained
by your entrance-

it was pure spectacle.

you entered loudly
into
the copy place,
announcing
your arrival in cowboy boots and shorts,
hair wild and curly.

accompanied by two other girls,
a trio,
a pack
a gang
you their leader-
Pinky Tuscadero

making copies of god knows what-
you stood behind me in line the faint smell of girl, shampoo, and Buddha.

you weren't conventional beauty-
no that would be too easy-
and your laugh
was artifical- broorish

but you
you just owed it-
you were too cool

our interaction brief-
but it stuck with me all day-
there was no escaping you.

I thought about you later
as I went to write-

I knew you worth talking about -
if not necessarily talking too.

I sat down began writing and noticed your
face on the bulletin board-
one of the copies you made for your show-

sign or coincidence-

there was no escaping you.

09'

we love life

"If you ever get that chimp off your back,
if you ever find that thing that you lack,
oh but you know your only having a
laugh,
cuz here we go again."-J.C



I finally got around to listening to the last album with your band.
its six year old now,

but I caught it at the right
time in my own life.

Careful what I wish for,
cuz I never was good at dealing
with getting what I wanted

(now I just want some peace and quite)

I wasn't ready for it till now,
like the album
before it,
The sex and the pain are there,
but so are the trees, the river
and the air.

the party is over,
the common people have all gone home-
the fear is gone.

The sun is beginning to shine,
and yes the birds sing,

I can now admit I'm a weed,
no longer askin for permission
to grow,

watching the pretty
flowers grow older-
and wither.

and yes "We Love Life"


09'

watching the blue man

there was a league of teenage blondes and brunettes
a couple of rows ahead

watching a comic book movie-
about a blue man
and men in masks

it was funny-
the young boys that probably
prayed to god
for miracles involving these girls,
were home alone-

reading the comic book
theses girls will be watching in a dark theater soon enough.
without them.

a gang of young blondes,
watching a
comic book movie to be cool,
with no intention
of ever reading it-
too cool to get it.

avoiding the
boys who read the comics
because they are so
uncool.

the movie was
for the
young boys home alone.

one of girls says
outside theater
says
"that was painful"

and
i smile inside.

09'

explaining the blue man

"ooo if you changes your ways..
I would lay down anytime with you"- B.N



i went to new place to write on white paper, and drink my green tea,

the counter girl had her brand of beauty-
all pink yellows and blues
in a black apron-

as i sit and write,

the counter girl's co worker
a skinny young man all blue grey and yellow
tries talking to her in his own language

trying to explain a comic book-
trying to explain the blue man and his god like power-
trying to explain cool to the uncool

She doesn't care-
not about Dr.Manhattan, not about your office party, not about the regular customers who try to flirt with their innuendo and definitely not about you-

poor sap,
poor blue boy.
not that i blame him for trying-

just that his failure was on stereo in the red room

while writing and reading magazines bout battlestar
my ride shows up and
tells me she knows the girl behind the counter from her
woman's group.

my ride says she is
one really fucked up person-
[(black grey and purple inside)]
she's doing him a favor.

poor blue boy doesn't know how lucky
he really is.

09'

seriously folks

I had hoped to move the audience with honest words-
Something that had required
great effort to share and admit to an
audience-

something serious-

they began to laugh.

it was my fault, i am usually just kidding.
they had assumed i was setting up a joke-
when
in fact i wanted to bare my soul-

i slipped in a line stating this was not a joke-
and again laughter began-

it reminds me of an old woody allen interview where he brought his clarinet and begins to play-

the audience instantly begins to think its a joke and laughs-

they laughed at him while trying to play the music in his head-
music
he spent most of his life
practicing alone,
hours and hours

he stopped trying and turned it into a gag

the audience just didn't get it-
he was serious
But he gave them what they wanted anyways-

you don't have to be funny all the time.
[sometime your still the same guy who
practiced for hours and hours-
alone]

09'

firm

I felt bad I did not
move in to hug you but instead provided you with a stiff firm hand shake-

[i would have liked nothing more to hold a friend close for a second-]

its just you uttered some nonsense about acting normal once-
there is no such thing as normal.

i spent most of life trying that word on like an ill fitting suit
like a tie whose noose was too tight around my neck-
[pretending to be professional-

professionals in firms don't hug. ]

you never realized that
you always had my respect-
now it's all you have.


09'

wild like a weed

There comes a time
to accept that your father will always hate you
and mother will always be ashamed of you.

at that moment you either
grow
or die.

it is beautiful to choose life- growth.
it is the end of fear.

you were only scared they were right about you.
all of it.

even if it is true,
even if you are a weed.
grow
wild like a weed.

indestructible coming back again and again
breaking through concrete and cement
dependent on no one to water them

grow wild like a weed
and never ask permission to grow again

09'

broken Haiku

I like to think of my poems
as broken Haiku's
crawling on the floor to the finish line

09'

Salma

At first
I thought you had lost
your mind-
breast feeding some strangers baby
out of some
celebrity
excess.

out of extreme arrogance-
but
i was wrong.

instead
it was a African baby
in sierra leon,
whose mother had no milk.


it was such a human act.

an act of a mother,
it requires no explanation-

to have to explain-
would be failure
on the part of the person needing reasons,
and
for not asking
why the baby
was hungry in
the first
place.

09'

a limited time offer

I have a real soft spot
in my heart for
red heads.

a real soft spot.

scientist say they are becoming rarer-
like the Pinta Island Tortoise, the Javan Rhino, and good manners.

I heard they may go the way of the Dodo in about
fifty years.

I must work fast.
the planet has granted them like
a limited time offer.

Get them while supplies last.


09'

Wino forever

like all normal people,
I got the urge to write a
Winona Ryder
poem,

i totally had this Johny Depp
tattoo theme idea-
you know where he gets the Winona Forever tattoo
and then has to
change it to Wino forever,
it was going to be alittle on the mean side-

Well anyways,
while brainstorming
I realized I don't hate her-

I have a complex emotional feeling towards
Winona, but I had a good premise for a poem, that I
didn't want to go to waste-

I didn't know what to do,
or write,
so I wrote this.

luckily
poems don't have to be permanent
I can change my mind,
and write something new-
go in a different direction,

its not like having Wino Forever on
my body,
like an idiot.

09'

the gate

I am building a gate,
from scratch

and it makes
me feel like a man.

growing up
my father would mirco-manage
any project.

it was torture.

after his strokes
he no longer
could build
with his hands.

I have become the builder now.

he stops me and tries to take
control of the project-
supervision-
management-
dictator-

he ask if i know what i
am doing.

I know what i am doing.
I will build a beautiful
gate,
after all you have taught me
well-
as you can see I have already
built a perfect wall
between us.


09'

My New Favorite Song

"I come home- she lifted up her wings,
guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another-
Did I find you or did you find me?" -D.B



It is a naive melody
and
confuses me,
taunts me-
and
is just fucking with me.

tenderly-

it's leading the rodents out of town,
and later comes
back for the children

It's playing a trick
all smoke and mirrors.

i know its not there.

but it fills up the hole inside anyways.

my head begins to move in time
and out of tune-

I want to feel
like this.

( no longer kicking
and screaming...)

I want to feel this way,
about anyone-
but I don't.

my new favorite song-
doesn't care-
and fills up the hole anyway.

09'

Smartest guy in the room

I am not the
smartest guy
in the room.

I do not even know
what that
would mean.

there is so very
much i
do not know.

but i do
know
that i don't want
to be here
and I know I
don't want to meet your friends.

a pretty face, small breast and skinny limbs
had
rendered me temporarily
mentally incapacitated.

dumb in fact. or stupid. take your pick.

a pretty face
will do that.

I shouldn't be making any major decisions,
I shouldn't try to get to know you-
fuck
I shouldn't operate heavy machinery,
let alone have driven here.

Honey-
I am not who you think I am.

I am actually a moron, lummox, a galoot

and you're trouble.

the smartest
guy in the room
is the first to
head for the door.

and it just happened to be me.

09'

white coat pencil skirt

They've been sticking pins in me for awhile now-
trying to cure my blues.

Been drinking thier witches brew-

[to not only see the daylight, but feel it-]

I've been seeing men in white coats for awhile now.
"Same time next week gentlemen."
they say i'm getting better-


She was walking around outside in a white coat and pencil skirt- the first time
I saw her.

It was the skirt that got my attention-
[she had style for a young woman.

She wore her hair skillfully -
the way
a girl wearing a pencil skirt would- ]

I wait in the waiting room,
sometimes half expecting to see her-

and for awhile I thought coincidence smiled on me-

today she just held her glance sitting in another room-
and came over to say hello-

they say i'm getting better-


I feel better-
I feel good.

"Same time next week gentlemen.-
Same time next week Miss."

09'

Beat

Life is a song-

my heart keeps time and
beats along perfectly
with that song.

tonight
my heart played along to the song of fear-
as I tried to revisit the past-
percussion
pumping and
pounding
performing-
perfectly,
it puts on a show-
plays the song of fear-

I know this song and my
heart continues to play it until
i hear and feel the next-
BEAT

the song of calm
it plays a gentler beat-
soothing calming

the drummer knows all the songs,
from pain to pleasure
lover to loss- fight or flight-

the drummer drops a dope ass beat
to this
epic song of life-

my heart
plays to the beat of a different drummer

different in so many delicious distinctions
different in so many disguises
destined to deliver
[because I'm not beat yet]

my heart
plays to the beat of a different drummer
and that
drummer is me-

09'

Dig

It's not worth it to take a cheap dig at you.

I've dug deep
and
there wasn't
anything there.

don't feel disappointed-
even cheap perfume,
[ by any other name or dig would smell the same]

09'

walk smile rinse repeat

How many times are you gonna walk by and

smile, before something happens

How many smiles is it gonna take before,
i just begin to
start talking-

How much talking is gonna take
before i ask-

Well, at this rate honey,
i'll be cured before you can try and fix me

in the mean time,
i'll take as many smiles from a pretty girl
as I can get
for a rainy day-

and it rains alot.


09'

Blink

Blink 182 is everything you say they are-

I enjoy them anyways.

A guilty pleasure
but a pleasure none the less.

you had to be there.
young,
juvenile,
and teenage
discovering music for the first time.
and there was never enough.

You knew every music scene
from your room in the valley-

they were from
San Diego
like
Lucy's Fur Coat,
and Rocket from the Crypt,

before MTV,
they were another punk loser band from San Diego

before MTV
they were funny
immature
and fun.

the rebel girls,
had made it all too serious

music was far too serious.

it was nice to remember
why being young
male
and dumb
were fun.

they were punks,
madcap,
juvenile-

They are everything you say they are-
no matter how wrong you are,
were,
and always will be.


09'

Princess Leia

I made
Princess Leia cry
because
I
didn't know how to cry.


Raised to believe I
was evil,
the dark side inside,
i made her cry.

She was stronger than me.
a rebel fighting the idea of empire.

she was stronger than me
she forgave me.


She gave
me something better
than some makeshift romance.

She says
that there is still good in me-

She has given me
a New Hope.

09'

Figure 8

So some lady had eight babies on my birthday-
it was a good day as any to be born.

I figure eight babies
(all Aquarius)
are gonna need some advice.

and here it is:

Conquer this world!
take it-

[you were the center of the universe
and stars
when you were born Aquarians
and given energy and capabilities possessed by superheros and shaman envied by mad scientist- romance novelist-
hearts sensitive enough to feel the sound of compassion and mind to meditate on the invisible taste of song ]

Conquer this world!

It might take some time,
I've been working on it myself for awhile now-
but you might get there first-
after all there are eight of you and one of me-


09'

Surprise Starwars Party

"Once upon a time in a galaxy far way", called Pacomia
(with much love, thank you )


They lept out of the dark,
and caught me by surprise-

and something unfamiliar, called- shear joy-
appeared on my face.

They lept out and yelled surprise-
and confetti and affection
fell upon me-

They lept out in starwars costumes-
cooler than you think, cooler than you imagine-
ice cold- cooler than cool.
.

They lept out and yelled SURPRISE!
and believe me I was

Dry ice, Vader, Ewoks, lightsabers, and Tequila

there was never anything like it before, and there will never be anything like it again-
(in my life anyways)

Storm troopers, Peasant, Princess Leia, and chocolate cheesecake-

Its not every day your friends will dress up in
costumes for you-
Its not every day your friends forgive you,
with cake,
Its not every day you feel like anyone ever cared.

They planned and plotted for weeks
They planned and plotted for weeks-

I had always expected they
would
one day
plan and plot my miserable end-

But this was much better,
by far,
much better- indeed

09'

Time line (part 1)

PART 1

I am as old
Punk rock,

I am as old as
Star Wars

I am as old
Annie Hall

I am as old as
Screech, that punk from coldplay, the bigger punk from my chemical romance
dawson, smallville dude, kanye west, even pinche napolean dynamite.

I can not tell when my timeline will end, only
when my time line began,
and who is also running this race-

groucho and chaplin died
year I was born.

so did elvis-

I was born the year elvis died-
nature has a way of balancing things out.

09'