Monday, June 15, 2009
Moments in I realize-
that this is a pity dance,
that she might be under the impression she is doing me a favor-
helping me out,
maybe making assumptions.
I find myself dancing with a girl looking away
off into the distance
a million miles away from where we are-
this is a pity dance-
my ego is
my ego feels
I find myself dancing with a girl whose eyes
are looking into a near distant future-
or the past
anywhere but here.
and I am doing the same-
trying to escape
the here and now-
when it hits me,
i love to dance,
i find a joy in it.
i love to dance no matter how god awful i am
i love to dance no matter whose watching
i love to feel alive
in my own body.
[i love to feel alive
because in my mind:
i've wasted time fighting myself
i've wasted time fighting enjoyment
i've wasted life
my ego goes quiet,
my ego goes silent
as i connect with
as i try to connect with the eyes
connect with her body
connect with the sound, and moment
connect with it all of it, letting it in
letting go of the whys
[fuck it, people wait their lives
for spiritual moments to happen in spiritual places.
but that is not life, that is waiting.]
it was a pity dance:
It was a pity i wasted half the dance, with a nice girl.
Posted by Nefarious X