well it's my name

"Estaba pensando sobre viviendo con mi sister en New Jersey,
Ella me dijo que es una vida buena alla,
Bien rica bien chevere, Y yo voy."
-fb


I hadn't spoken to you
in two years.
and

about three months
ago
you called.

It was easier to keep saving the message in my mailbox
than call you back.

I would have to share my life.
I'd have to let
you in for a moment.

i tried to spare
myself
embarrassment.

I wanted to call you.

It was on my list of things
to do.

and when i did call you

you
made me do push ups over the phone.
made me confess my fears about god
made me tell the truth
made me miss terresa
(god rest her soul)
made me feel better.
made me feel cared for.

what are friends for she says
what are friends for...

You called me a silly goose
exachanging
messages at 2 in the morning.

awake like me
but for different reasons.

I remembered the time I went out on date with your room mate.
she later dated my roommate in a cosmic twist.

remembered you played that Manna song
on an old
boom box.

remembered the time
you dressed like
a bumble bee
for halloween.

when you met me...

and you hated my guts
couldn't stand me.
couldn't stand me.

but, and, however, and I told you so.

I can admit men, boys, and
what i am,
we are
as you point out...but only sometimes.

your a woman not so much a girl.

You run triatholons-
(how cool is
that.)

But no matter how fast,
you
can't out run every
man.

You'll day will come.

You are alive.

Fuck yeah!

You are alive
and you reminded
that i was too...

fuck yeah...

You went on a cruise.

Now i wanna go on a cruise.
I wanna go on the high seas.

I wanna play in the sun.
I wanna sit by the pool...
i need some
sun.

Fuck the whales.

Hey Suess

We got
there in
time for the show.

brown bag,
in dark parking
spots

Then the
last person
i expected to
see.

Amir-

People said he
looked alittle
like
Hey Suess.
I said he looked
like
Lennon.


I've know him
since we
were boys.

he is
family.

said the band used to play at his families restaurant.

People said he
looked alittle
like
Hey Suess.
I said he looked
like
Lennon.


We smoked cigerettes outside,
talked,
hitting on the waitress.
making friends
with strangers.



I quit
smoking,
but hey,
anything for an old
friend.
anything for
Hey Suess.

08'

Lou’s Party

Hey thanks,
again for the invitation,
it was
Nice of you to
think of me.

However,
i don't think i'll be able to make it.

oh, not because of anything really in particular.
Its just, you don't live with your roomate anymore,
and i don't know where she lives.
and lou's party is at her place,

and she invited me to something
a couple of weeks ago,
and so,
even though its nice
of you to invite,
it'd be
nice
to know
where she lives.

yeah, i don't know. and interestingly, its not on the invite either.
Hence, by default, i don't
know where lou's party is.

I'd ask but, then i'd be inviting myself,
and there are rules about that
sort of thing.

i just headed north,
but eventually just end up
lost.
which i think is best for you, me and lou.

08

hair (the musical) poem

i am feeling pretty good,
after reading
the New York times
article on hair.
hair the musical.
you had a old
casset in your
car, the Burgundy
camery your
dad used to drive.
you loved hair.
fucking loved it.

This is dawning of the age of aquirus,
you were a libra,
i was the aquirus.
we got along famously.
because of this.

i agree.

you would agree, if we were still talking...

I actually don't know any of the words.
to the song, or any other song.
and i thought about you,
loving it,
and that time i
we watched grease after we broke up.

ok ok.

i know they are completely diffrent.
one is musical about hippies.
the other a musical about greaser.

I agree,
and i am sure you would
agree as well.
you were the libra,
i was the aquarious,
we got along famously,
maybe because of it...
until we didn't.
also maybe because of it.....


08'

We are Aquarius

(b side)

we are Aquarius,
you and i.

i am an old man,
and
your a lunch lady.

i was mean, and short,
and could only outgrow one.

you were cooler than you knew.
and colder,
than you had to.

you might be
smarter than me,
but i look better
in brown.

we are Aquarius,
playing god with art.
you with better luck,
me with just a collection
of lucky pennies .

you now play for the other team,
and i was never good
at sports.
we still root for each.

I've known you half my life,
even after you killed me
off in act 2.
i resurrected, like jesus or a zombie.
and here we are.

I'd like you to know,
the others
that reminded me of you,
were also a pain in ass.
so i just stop
trying
replace you.

I'd like you to know,
You have stayed in my heart,
longer than most.

Still,
even though
I've known you half my life.
i,
hardly ever showed up in
your words.
but you have the nasty habit
of showing up,
in my dreams.
while never bringing
baked goods.

but who has the time, really....

you had taste,
now your a chef.

i had no taste,
so i wanna claim a
stake in hollywood.

we are Aquarius,

I will always be older wiser,
your just a kid.

I am
lucky to know you,
I love you,
I just wanted to remind you.

its written in the stars,
we are Aquarius,
we are friends for life

08'

Jeanniemomma

(For my sis)

God damit,
Jeaninne!

why'd you go
and get engaged.

Now I have to go and
find a
perfect wedding gift,
and
learn to dance
and
eventually shave.

You know how bad i am at
birthdays.

You know I got two left feet.

you know
I think I look cool in a beard.

Holly fuck,
You can't get married,
that will make me feel old.
you
can't
do that to me.

I'll get wrinkles, my hair will fall out, my fake teeth will be made of wood in some
environmentalist
ploy.

We haven't gone bar hopping enough.
and
I sometimes call you back late at night.
What if he's got
to work early.

Sacramento is boring.
You have to
move to L.A.
or San Francisco.
and he
never seemed the type.

You can't simply.
Take it back.
Tell em you were kiddin.
He'll understand.

Unless.

Unless,
this will make you happy.
Being
Mrs. Whatshisname.
makes you happy.
unless
this means,
someone to do the
crossword puzzle with,
and go
to Pavement shows
with all the old timers.
this will make you a mom,

unless,
you'll be happy for the rest of your long healthy eating Korean life...

Fine go ahead.
i'll understand.

The wave

There was
a shirtless man

on a bridge
above
the freeway sign

waving.

Waving to all the cars that passed below.

as I got closer random thoughts crossed my mind.
for example,

it is not natural to wave at strangers passing by,
and even
stranger to wave at strangers
driving underneath you.

Did he have an arsenal of eggs.
Was he on drugs, sometimes shirtless people are.
its one of the tell tale signs.

maybe he was just crazy,
sometimes
crazy people also
go shirtless.

What did it mean?
Why was he waving.

was this a test from god,
could it be some sort of sign.
a test of faith?

What did it mean?

this was crazy,
but i waved back just in case.

08'

Nice wedding.

I attended a
wedding.

Perhaps one
of the
best
and
I have been to my share of weddings.
bartending
in san francisco.

gay, straight,
interracial,
jewish
and
catholic.

they were all the same,
at the same time all
different.

This one moved me.

She loved him,
and he loved her.
They had a good sense of humor about it.

The priest said
they would need it,
when times
were tough.

The mariachi played
as they left the church.

the maid of honor
was beautiful.

The food, was good.
They served Cerviche,
which i'd never had,
and
still haven’t.

The best man gave his speech.
he said:
"Be happy, Have lots of babies."

he
summed up
perfectly
the answer to
the "why".

Why we go to all the trouble?
Why her, or him?
Why not you,
or me?
Why am
I here?

She loved him,
and he loved her.
this moved me.

nice wedding.

08'

Cafe Waitress

While
trying to
convince
my friends to
drive to Hayes Valley,
to visit an old friend
we went for breakfast
at mommas royal cafe.

seated.
the
waitress came.

I swear to fucken god,
I thought it was
you abi.

Your hair longer,
some new tattoos behind your ear.
but you had
those
stupid barbell earrings on.

I heard you speak
and
that's where the doubt washed in.

I wasn't sure,
but
it was in your eyes.
Those fucken eyes...
those eyes made sense...

It didn't sound like you.
I looked for the tattoos on your back...
but your jeans
weren't
low enough.

If it's you, i wanna die honey.
If it's really you i wanna hide.
If it's you i wanna
make love again.

How can i not be sure.
what's wrong with me.

Why can't I be sure.

I ask her name but she doesn't hear me.
or if she did,
she's playing cool.

pretending to not know each other,
or not pretending at all.
would it matter either way?

My friends decided to head home after breakfast.
Regardless,
I saw an old friend I hadn't seen in while.

08'

Dancing Queen

your name
mentioned
in
the car on
the
way there.

Maid of honor.
Top of the
food chain.

Taller.

single and
everyone
reminded
me so.

Dancing alone.

back bone.
a slouch.

Gripped with
fear,
then disappear.

I walk onto the dance floor,
miles
from you.

dancing alone too.

close my eyes
and
then open.
there you are.
there dancing with me.

Small.

A victory.
but, a victory none the less.

08'

the way family does.

We drove
along
in the dark,
back
from the wedding.

talking, the way friends do.

I have rarely been so
honest to anyone
about
my goals,
family,
hopes
fear.

they understood.

Wendy said

We make a new
family made up
of us.
We make a new family that accepts us.
We make a new family
that loves us.

they
understood.

we kept talking
driving
in the dark.

over the golden gate,
into
the brightness of the city.

talking the way a family
does.

08'

Celebrity

I
had some time on my hands

and decided
it
would be a good time to
visit
the kids.

It wasn't easy,
to
teach them,
inspire them,
make them laugh,
keep them safe,
guide them.

So far
it has
been the most important
thing
I have done with myself.

They
let me know
I was missed with
a genuine honesty,
not found
in any
teenager,
adult,
or old
person
let down
more
than
their fair share...

I was missed.

They swarmed me, like little papparatizzi.

They
handed me gifts,
of melted chocolate bars,
drawings of
flowers,
used erasers,
and a
half eaten candy.

They let me sing out loud,
they
wanted to hear me
sing
when
once they booed.

They
made me feel
important.

I was important to them.
I was famous to them.

I was their celebrity.

and they the toughest
audience

I will ever have had.


08'

Siamese Twin

"In our dreams we are connected
Siamese Twins, at the wrist"- b.c.

maybe
You hardly know me.

you've just hardly known me
for a
long time.

maybe.

told you we were twins,
opposite sides
of the same coin.

I claimed
I
saw my reflection in you.

You maybe took
it
the wrong way.

You made the mistake of
thinking
I was too in love with myself.

taking compliment.
acted like you
just received one.

perhaps made uncomfortable.

If I know myself
then I
know you-

pride,
comes before the fall.

I saw you in me.

of course I love you.

You just never looked back,
and
realized,
how much I can
hate myself sometimes.

08'

vagrant

Ever since
I've
know you,
you lived out of
boxes.

a vagrant.

ready to go.

I was lucky enough to catch you
during a long stretch,
where
you stayed in
one place.

when we were young, younger.

we became family.

I wanted you to know that even though,
you might have some idea
or have
a name
of where
you called home,
I always believed it was us.

your real sister,
and me.

Your home was us.

maybe including myself
in that equation is
a bit much,
too much.

But that's
how much I think of you.
that is
what you mean to me.

I worry about you,
like family does.

I am a bit upset that I can not be your bridesmaid.
I am upset that you can not have a best man.

my ego assuming,
you would ask me
to be either.

I've known you for so long.

Since
I've known you,
you lived out of boxes.

a vagrant.

kept your room
simple.

didn't own many things.

ready to go.

I've helped you move,
and sometimes you never bother to unpack.

I
visited you
in Portland,
and you still were living out of boxes.

some boxes I suspected never opened.

you've lived here and there.
never standing still for very long.

Watching people come and go.
mostly going.

You got engaged-

You will settle down.
Build a home,
and after all this time
unpack.

08'

Red, Meat.

(for nuestro groupo.)

What
the fuck has happened to us.
we
are becoming
vegetarians.
we
were immortal, invincible....bullet proof.

Indestructible,
revolutionaries,
youth,
not scared of shit,
and
talkin back.

Striking fear, ready to take to the jungles.

or at the very least
survive on
nachos and hotdogs at the
(Insert your favorite band) concert.

But
Fuck it,
why not,
maybe we got smarter,
wanna be stronger,
fuck longer.
either way...
here we go...

besides,
what good is a revolutionary,
who dies
not
defending the ideal
of
justice,
but instead
is
taken out
by a
bigmac.


08'

Jubilee

I have reason to
celebrate.

I have
had a revelation of sorts,

a reckoning.

An epiphany,
if you will.

I am
super cool,
Dynamite
Contagious.

I am a spark of god,
holy and gifted,
Divine.
Dangerous.

I am
indestructible,
bulletproof,
limited edition,
with all the bells and whistles.

now if only I could convince you too...

I am
capable of great
feats
to astonish,
surprise,
and
amaze.....

I’m the real McCoy
The genuine article,
Heavy weight
champion of the
the world.

I am
Bad Ass.

I have reached this conclusion.
It is pure Jubilee.

I am
just like you.

now if only you could convince you too.