Moment of doubt

That
microphone,
is not my friend.
It keeps putting words in my mouth.

the speakers,
are liars,
and in cahoots with the microphone
to fuck my shit up.

the plugs
are
feeding
its
delusion.

as the echo's
of words
sent on their
mission have failed.

and here i stand in the middle of it all,
like a witness to a
car crash,
helpless as
my poetry
chokes
crashes and
burns...


07'

Houdini

Here i go again,
doing tricks
again.
got a crooked wand,
and a black cape that doubles for the table cloth,
got top hat I don't wear anymore because its full of rabbit sh....

here i go again...
working magic,
and disappearing....
now
you see me,
now you don't...


its clear its time to go, I read it in cards,
its clear its time to go, I flipped the magic coin,
and it came up heads....
its clear its time to go, to disappear...completely..
magic to some,
a miracle to you.....


Its not as hard as it looks....

Houdini made look so easy,
or at least that’s what i've heard.


But me...
I just slowly walk and stand in the back
of the room,
while no one notices.....
or cares....
and just disappear.....


07'

stupid boxer

Stupid boxer,
pickin a fight,
you cant win.

Beatin yourself up.

Instead of fighting for... the thing you want.

You were
never a contender,
but you took a swing,
and missed...anyway....

never a contender...
But this is all you know how
to do.

you knew you were never a contender...
this is all you know how
to do.


The fight was fixed,
you are broken,
and
you don't take a punch like you used too....

stay down, and wait for the ring.....
stay down, and wait...

Beatin yourself up,
for
what?

you look silly
in shorts,
your
too old and
you hit like a girl

Stupid boxer,
Stupid man.


07'

In the absence of Enlightened Poetry

I'm not sure,
what i am doing.

i have always
feared
the cruelty
i am capable of.

i set a path, to unlearn the anger
i learned
from my father.

The ability to
cut with a word
from my
mother.

to unlearn...
and yell FREEDOM!

but I just want to scream right now...
a poem of sound, raw, hurt, angry...real.

the sound of
someone extremely lost.....
the sound an animal makes....

i hear the words,
of poets
who have found
their peace, love, god,
humanity,
empowerment...enlightenment
ect ect ect... pick a word...

they have words to
Inspire,
well rehearsed.
beautiful enlightened....

i don't know if
they live their lives
by the words they speak....
and I don't care.
I am not their god or mothers to judge ...

i'm not there, where ever there is...
i am here, on my way there...

Don't get me wrong,

Their words inspire me,
push me to grow.

Their words are a promise of
a great future.......

Their words simply
beautiful....

Their words heal......
their words are holy...
to which i have no right to compare.....


Don't get me wrong,
i am not that cynical, because if i didn't
Believe...
in power of love,
their are a hundred bridges i could prove my point from....

Don’t get me wrong.....
I love their words.......it just escapes me, just for this moment..
just for now.

but believe me soon....
soon
i swear...
soon....

I am here. I just am......
here are my words....
coming from a
place i left long a ago
and swore
never to visit..

But,
I get
jealous, hurt, angry, resentful,
in all
its humanity....
all perfectly human,
and
to me,
to pretend i don't
Feel these....
Is to be a liar.

love is human, joy, forgiveness....
but what is fear and hurt...

do they belong to the cries of an animal?
or to be enraged...human..

Humanity
is a sickness.
i am sick.

I don't know what i am doing....

I wanna fucken scream,
because
I don't know what else to do,
and there are no
enlightened poets around right now......
to tell me what to do.



07

A little war

someone wanted
a little war.
how cute.

have your war, without me.
i just might have better things to do,
like...well anything really.

have your war, without me.
you could win...
if its just you.

you could win...
if no one else
was involved....

i know this joke writer...
i got their number somewhere around here...
your gonna need some help.
Because...

this is too ridiculous for even me....
and that is saying it all.



07'

Fire Escape

I told my friends
i loved them once.

it came from a
vulnerable place,
like a room
in a big house that i never
go into.

it came from a place
that usually has
the door locked...

it just happened to
be unlocked, once.

i walked in and realized all
wonderful people i know,

i realized how lucky i was...
and am,
kinda.

I wanted to tell them...
I needed to tell them.

It felt
as if there
was an urgency....
like some crazy
emergency that needed immediate attention.

like some fire too fucken hot,
like a fire moving swiftly,
like some fire consuming everything
and it was ok.

this was good thing,
it was love.
it was love.

it was pure.

it was urgent.
it was real.

From a place still real.

Now i watch them slowly go their ways,
like ash to the wind.

They are leaving,
whether they are aware or not...
its ok.

its happened before.

They go their separate ways
 until the fire is out and the ashes gone.

That place, still is inside me.

i try the knob on the door,
to see if it will turn...

But mostly i stay in the rooms that
never had doors...

with windows looking out...
rooms on the higher floors....
rooms with fire escapes...
just in case i get any more
funny ideas.....

There is no urgency, no fire....
But a person like me can never be too careful...

so i sit on the fire escape
waiting for a fire,
or any other
reason to
escape.



07'

Just some guy

Tony Haynes was right,
there is no taking dives,
you hang in there and take it.

fight with all the love you have.

there are no taking dives.
so i get up,
and finish the job.

the right thing
to do isn't always the easiest.

sometimes
its gonna hurt like hell.

if I can do this right-

there is no way,
i can lose.

if i can love just
a little longer,
i will remain the last man standing.

i will ache in the morning
but
at the end of the night...

(standing in front of the mirror)

I can smile again...
With all teeth knocked the fuck out of my face,
But smiling just the same.

Who is Tony Haynes?
Just some guy, who was right.

You have won

You have won,
i admit it.
I admit to all of it.

You win!

you have
managed to bring out
the worst in me.

You have won,
you have been part
of a slow decline,
an ugliness,
a despair.

You have won.
But only slightly.

For although
the worst side of
me was loose,
like a virus,
like a plague.

it was ok.

although all my thoughts were dark,
and selfish
and unkind.

it was ok.

For you see
the better part of me,
was also set free.
the kindness
and love,
The patience and
forgiveness.

the best parts of me,
kicked the living shit
out of that negativity.

like atom bombs.

I say simply,
thank you for the lesson i learned.
it made me stronger.

It was a test,
my god had given me.
like a gift.

You won.
you brought out the worst of me,
but
only to also lose, as it
brought out the worst of you.


07'

Pretending

Pretending Everything is O.K
isn't that hard,
because i'm not that
good at it.

armature really.

I can't explain and if i could
then i would explain,
so like mini vinilly
i will blame it on the rain,
menstruation (hers or mine),
voodoo, or
Planetary shift,
call it what you
will,

its in the middle in
my living room
dressed up like
a 500 pound
gorilla,
and i don't want to
mention it.

Pretending everything is ok.
is like acting,
and i not good at that either.
i still shake when
i am nervous,
because nervous people shake,
and
rock stars rattle and roll .

Pretending, to be bullet proof,
is silly when
seen shivering,
and
your caught red handed,
probably from
a bullet wound.

Pretending everything is ok, is
something i am not very good at
but i will keep at it,
simply because
i wasn't very good at
being hopelessly fucking miserable
either.



07'

The beautiful thing of it all...

The beautiful thing of it all,
is that my friends are
very decisive...

They make decisions and
don't sit on the fence much.

Their loyalty can not be
bought,
it can not be
tempted.

it is fixed like that big fucken rock of Jibralter and shit.

you don't find people like this anymore.

The beautiful thing of it all,
is they took sides,
have chosen
and
would rather die than betray their loyalty.

unfortunately for me,
they took sides against me.

They chose against me,
and
would rather die than betray their loyalty
to someone else...

and that is a beautiful thing.


07'

George comes for a visit.

Guatemala,
or rather more
specifically Guatemalans,
are amazing shit talkers.
We export
more assholes
than coffee beans.
Yours truly, being
the proof in the pudding.
We're even better
breaking things and
shoutin in the streets.
The students are smart,
but never smart enough
not to get their
skull cracked in
or find themselves like those before em'
inconveniently cramming for finals
six feet under with no lighting or air...
We don't get over shit.
Death Squads, and the CIA,
Dictators and
poor people buried in the sand.
Call us sensitive....
so uh...Mr.
President of the U.S dude,
good luck,
tourist.

07'

The poem could be better

The poem could be better i
thought.

If i would just give it
more time,
or one more important line.

But these things do take time,
and i got places to go.

The poem had my full attention once,
just like my last true love
and the dead fern.

I tried,
I watered
and loved,
rubbed
and spoke to it often.

(both the girl and the ferns)

But like i said,
just a little more time,
more political,
more hip hop
more for da yoots,
funnier,
less ethnic,
more ethinic-

(que chinga)

I don't know.

Fuck.
I think, this is what it is.

It is I.

Imperfect but loveable.
This is what it is.

I can't force it.

This is true for the poem, the girl and the fern.

I couldn't explain it quite right to my love,
and did an even worse job
explaining it to the dead ferns.



07'

A Penguin Poem

It takes so much
to make
a penguin.
so much effort... it is
insane really.

ok ok.
so i just saw that march of the penguins movie....again
(i enjoy morgan freeman's voice.)

but yeah, it takes soo much.
suffering, is one word, that comes to mind.
survival is another,
sacrifce,
selflessness.
i don't know.

two black and white birds,
traveling miles,
singing to one another,
mating,
creating an
egg that can never touch the ground.

fighting the odds.
barely surviving.
sometimes losing.

only to do it over again, and again
with someone new.

many words come to mind,
but not love.
it is not love.
this is not love, and
yet
they face the wrath of god
for one another,
and brave possible death,
as you
are not
even capable
of pulling out
a cell phone,
and pushing seven numbers
to say
hello.

07'

What can they teach me?

What can they teach
me
that I already didn't know?
the sun the moon the earth....
the ants to the elephants
zygotes and amoebas
carry the one
helium hydrogen iron
iron
inertia slope
velocity
as x approaches zero
solve for y
Monet manet Robert Williams
Freud
solve for x
napoleon burke Aristotle
Proust Joyce
and Pynchon
the Romans
Mayans
the Iberians
multiply by pie....

all the fancy book learning
doesn’t
didn’t and isn't worth a damn
I have figured this out on my own
I am in love with you,
and all words and knowledge
have failed me
on how to keep you
from
leaving.

07'

What time is it?

What time is it? I asked.
"Time is relative" she says.
I don't talk to my relatives much... I says
"Talk is cheap", she says.

I'm not cheap, I enjoy a good sale though, i says
"Maybe you've sold out," she says
No, I'm pretty sure I've none left. I says
"Left or Right,
its your decision." she says
Your right, your right....right as rain. i says
"It might rain." she says
"Depends on the weather."
Whether or not it does, it'll be good for the planet, I guess.
We'll see, I says
"Sometimes my stomach ties in a knot, and that’s never good.
Once i tried so hard to tell him it was over.
and i kept changing the subject to avoid the confrontation.
It made me dizzy,
he made me sick
i didn't feel well
It made me sad.
it is 2:15 pm Pacific Standard time" she says.

After A Card Reading (at Knots Scary Farm)

we were at a theme park,
and spent an hour at the card reading section.

I am a firm believer in
many things

like science,
gravity,
and
a full tank of gasoline.

I had
my cards read
anyway...

I can assure you
that
they were incredible.

You are looking at a lucky man.

I went again to a
different reader,
just to be sure.

just to lock it in.

the second time i pulled the world card,
and although i can not redeem it at
the local store,
it
is according to her,
a sign,
that everything will be amazing,
soon,
or at the very least
o.k.
I shook her hand, thanked her,
declined to buy a mood ring,
and stepped outside.

I looked up at the sky
and wondered if it might
rain tomorrow.

the weatherman
said it might-

if not tomorrow,
then
soon-

07'

South Central Farm

The eviction
notice was served.

We didn't know anybody inside
so we sat outside on crates and
left over chairs.

We spent the night lookin out for the cops.

“Don’t let you know who” near the emergency horn.

We met Jesus,
Carlos, The Canadians
and the Anarchist Girls.

We saw a blond movie starl, we ate dried apples. We sang Beach Boys songs for a second. They played Frisbee in the street. The trucks honked their horns.

Carlos tried to prove there wasn't a God because God couldn't microwave a burrito so hot that God couldn't eat it....

The cute revolutionist on the bike wears a pink thong.

They had their drums, guitars and sage.
We had each other.

Then Sunrise.

no cops just
another day to
wait for a something to happen.

07

Royal Crown Promenade

Today
i could not afford a haircut. So i bought a tub of
hair promenade for 4 dollars and 38 cents.

Mother had always warned
that i could go bald
at any time.

She hid my hat
because she said my father wore a hat,
and look at him now.

So i did,
i took a long look at him.
it was a cruel sight, a future that may never happen, a threat, a sign warning that the bridge is out, a sight for which the bell tolls, rings, and clangs out the greatest hits.

Father is bald
as a Franciscan monk.

Father is bald like a Guatemalan bald eagle the Latino cousin to the symbol of patriarchy, war, and the most Viagra prescriptions per capita

Mother says “Don't you dare put
promenade in your hair!”


fuck it i say.

My hair is raven black and does the most amazing tricks
with the help of promenade.

The kind that Elvis himself gets all shook up about. The kind that fucken Elvis himself reaches down from the heavens and blesses my hair!


I do this for you ladies with the red red lipstick, tattoos and bangs, skirts and high heels. I do this for you king of rock and roll and i do this for you father.

for if you still could
i know you would!!


I dip my fingers in the Royal Crown Promenade, anyways.

royal crown, Three flowers, , Murphy’s... i have gone through them all, like a
connoisseur.
of fine wines.
Drinkin wine Spo-Dee-O- Dee.

I mean, i look at my dad, and figure someone married his dumb ass, and stayed
and if he can do it bald or not, anyone can.


ayh 07