In the absence of Enlightened Poetry

I'm not sure,
what i am doing.

i have always
feared
the cruelty
i am capable of.

i set a path, to unlearn the anger
i learned
from my father.

The ability to
cut with a word
from my
mother.

to unlearn...
and yell FREEDOM!

but I just want to scream right now...
a poem of sound, raw, hurt, angry...real.

the sound of
someone extremely lost.....
the sound an animal makes....

i hear the words,
of poets
who have found
their peace, love, god,
humanity,
empowerment...enlightenment
ect ect ect... pick a word...

they have words to
Inspire,
well rehearsed.
beautiful enlightened....

i don't know if
they live their lives
by the words they speak....
and I don't care.
I am not their god or mothers to judge ...

i'm not there, where ever there is...
i am here, on my way there...

Don't get me wrong,

Their words inspire me,
push me to grow.

Their words are a promise of
a great future.......

Their words simply
beautiful....

Their words heal......
their words are holy...
to which i have no right to compare.....


Don't get me wrong,
i am not that cynical, because if i didn't
Believe...
in power of love,
their are a hundred bridges i could prove my point from....

Don’t get me wrong.....
I love their words.......it just escapes me, just for this moment..
just for now.

but believe me soon....
soon
i swear...
soon....

I am here. I just am......
here are my words....
coming from a
place i left long a ago
and swore
never to visit..

But,
I get
jealous, hurt, angry, resentful,
in all
its humanity....
all perfectly human,
and
to me,
to pretend i don't
Feel these....
Is to be a liar.

love is human, joy, forgiveness....
but what is fear and hurt...

do they belong to the cries of an animal?
or to be enraged...human..

Humanity
is a sickness.
i am sick.

I don't know what i am doing....

I wanna fucken scream,
because
I don't know what else to do,
and there are no
enlightened poets around right now......
to tell me what to do.



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