mr. jackson

they was trying to get at your money son,
trying to jack what you had-

because you were Bad-

maybe you did it,
maybe you didn't.

maybe it was just their greed.
you were poor too...once.

now you're dead,
and
you meant
something to people.

though the meaning
has changed over time-

but they wanna forgive.

they wanna forgive you
but no one wants to
say it-

because it would
be admission,
of
too
much
perhaps.

the king of pop-
popped too many pills
popped too many pills to kill the pain-

You got hooked
you got high,
and you fell-

and not just
with the drugs.

maybe you got carried away.
maybe there weren't enough pills
to kill that kind of pain-

better luck in the next life,
cuz in this one

you got jacked son


09'

escape plan

it was my fault really,
i felt like bringing me along was too much,

one was fine,
but two was imposing,

i was imposing.

so we decided,
that it was for the best
to

make other plans.

but she wanted to see you,
i wanted to see you,

[ We had no intention of reliving the past but instead
creating the future
something new

and
we wanted to escape
fiancees, resumes, loneliness and responsibilities ]

and we wanted to
walk down the streets of
los angeles
drunk
wild
juvenile

with you

you had places to be,
and things to do.

[and i suspect better things to do]

you will always be included in the plans for escape,
even if you
have no intention
of coming along.

[even if you
had nothing in your
life
you needed
to escape
from]

09'

give

I gave in to you,
blue eyes,
light hair
soft skin

i gave in to you,
but you make your attention seem
like charity-

like giving to the poor-

i gave up on the violin
and
i gave up on the oil paints


i gave up on being a lawyer
or a dentist
or a saint


i gave up on books
and cigarettes,


i gave up on pleasing people
or parents
or saving anyone

i gave up on god,
what makes you think i won't give up on you.

09'

stand still

they came in
like missionaries

like
angels

like
Valkyries

taking the slain
outside
for conversation.

letting me know I'm babysitting my
beer.

finding out we all know the same lesbian,

talking me out of not
meeting women tonight,

[ reminding me there are women to dance with all around
just standing there-

telling me
to meet them all, until they call last call and see who is
left still standing-
[and who will fall.]


they came in like missionaries:

remembering last time,
they made a vow
to help find a girl who wouldn't mind the company or the sudden departure

[even though
i had not shown up alone-]

they came in like angels:
finding me alone and inching me off
the precipice

to see if i could fly-

they came in like Valkyries:
just to remind me that i am not dead yet,

no, not dead yet
just
standing still.]

09'

pity dance

Moments in I realize-

that this is a pity dance,
that she might be under the impression she is doing me a favor-

helping me out,
somehow-

maybe making assumptions.

I find myself dancing with a girl looking away
off into the distance
a million miles away from where we are-

this is a pity dance-

my ego is
wounded-

my ego feels
ashamed-

I find myself dancing with a girl whose eyes
are looking into a near distant future-
or the past
anywhere but here.

and I am doing the same-

trying to escape
the here and now-

when it hits me,
i love to dance,
i find a joy in it.
i love to dance no matter how god awful i am
i love to dance no matter whose watching

i love to feel alive
in my own body.

[i love to feel alive

because in my mind:

i've wasted time fighting myself
i've wasted time fighting enjoyment
i've wasted life

my ego goes quiet,
my ego goes silent

as i connect with
the present.

as i try to connect with the eyes
of her.

connect with her body

connect with the sound, and moment

connect with it all of it, letting it in

awakened
aware
alive

letting go of the whys
and hows

being here,
now.
being present

[fuck it, people wait their lives
for spiritual moments to happen in spiritual places.
but that is not life, that is waiting.]

it was a pity dance:
It was a pity i wasted half the dance, with a nice girl.

09'

Gifts from L.

I have received gifts
from lesbians
before-

don't get me wrong,

but this
was
special.

She gave me H.O.P.E

she gave me
a
block
letter
necklace that spelled out "HOPE",
with a half purple moon
on one end,
and a green star
on the other
all
hanging on blue string

she gave it to me for
luck
to meet women.

i wore it,
H O P E
hangin from my neck-

I went back out
I went on,
not wanting to let her down-

I have received gifts
from lesbians
before-
but

She gave me hope,
which is
more than i could say
for any straight woman [lately].

09

tux

(b side)


i could never write a song.

my love is nonsense,
misspelled

and sentimental

i could never write a song

my hate is uncommitted,
apologetic

and is late for an appointment

i could never write a song

because the words
don't have a tux for
the prom,

the dough for the room,

and is sure his dates virginity, was lost to the boy with the golden voice.

09'