a serious woman

I.

She is the first woman
I have ever trusted completely.
So, absolutely.

I trust her,
I believe in her.

For the first time,
I do not question,
I do not doubt,
I do not require to be loved.

I trust her to save me-
not from my crimes,
but from myself.

II.


My love, it is not required here.
Only my trust.

I have not trusted girlfriends
or my mother.

I have not trusted therapists
or the women who have told me they loved me.

I have not trusted the women who were kind to me,
but I believed the ones that were cold.
(though that was not trust either)

I have not trusted my teachers,
or the Angels
who said they'd watch over me.

But I trust her.
With so much at stake,
I trust her.

I trust her because,
she is the most serious woman I know.



She wears a heart around her neck,
and square rim glasses frame eyes,
that see my sins.

She towers over me in heels.
She flips her pen
and her hair sticks up when she moves it to the side.

She is the most serious woman I know.

My love,
and the love of others, has so often failed me-

So I give her my trust,
because there can be no failing this time.

III.

Love has never been honest
Love has never come through
Love has never been kind

Love,
My love, it is not required here.
Only my trust.

Love requires that you accept the knife
will be plunged from the back.

But the absence of love
does not guarantee the absence of a knife
to plunge-
(That is the beauty of trust)

Trust requires only that "if", 

and only "if" it should come to that,
it will be quick and painless.

(And she will look you in the eyes)

With so much at stake,
what I required most is a serious woman.

A most serious woman, who has the answers,
who flips her pen.

Believing she is part of god's master plan for me.
Believing she is a chance at redemption
Believing she, unlike the rest, will not fail me.

I have long ago stopped believing in miracles-
I believe in her.

I Forgot All About That

I remember
you invited me to your roommates baby shower,
and I never made it because I spent the whole day making spaghetti for the potluck.
You got mad, because I called late at night to ask if I should still bring my dish.
You also invited me to Lou's party, but never gave me the address.

I remember
you dancing to Outkast with your roommate and me in your living room, and it was the kind of moment that brings a small light in remembering it. You also tried to teach me the Beyonce moves from Crazy in Love, but I never had much coordination.

I remember
the Polaroid pictures of you on the potty, taken by your then live in boyfriend, hanging on the wall, before we were even introduced. Even before meeting, I knew the person in those pictures might understand the Zen of it all. You also asked your then boyfriend to do me that one favor, that one time.

I forgot that
we were going to be roommates but I still hadn't gotten my act together then.
we were going to be writing partners and make a children's book like the Hubley's did "The Hat"
but we never got around to it. we saw my ex girlfriend at the Pixies concert and you gave her a dirty look for me.

I forgot that
we were going to be pen pals, but I never sent out the first letter, even though I sat down and finished it. we were going to watch the movie "Manhattan" in a cemetery, but can't remember why we didn't go. we went to that Japanese restaurant where the owner gives you free desert if she likes you, and she did.

I forgot that
we were close at one time. we were part of each others lives, until I told you that I saw my spiritual reflection in you, and you turned on me. You got mad that I would impose that feeling on you, that I would violate some boundary. I didn't say I loved you, but what I said was just as bad.
(To you, maybe worse.)

I had never told anyone I saw my reflection in them before, I doubt ever will again.
Either way you didn't want anything to do with spiritual reflections or me, ever again.

It hurt to lose you so completely.
We were friends, then nothing.

I wish I could forget how it ended.
I wish I could forget the details.
I wish I could forget we were close at one time.

I but I have to remember, so that at least one of us does.

There Are Easier Ways to Get Laid

"You can't love everyone, but you can be kind."-Father Yod



Before He was a Cult leader of young beautiful people
Before He was Father Yod, the lead singer of Yahowha 13
Before He was God cheating on his wife, sleeping with underage girls-

He was just Jim Baker, millionaire.

Who,
Killed a couple of guys with Judo chops,
Robbed a few banks,
and
Opened a successful organic vegetarian restaurant on the Sunset strip.

(Yes the same one Annie Hall and Alvy broke up at)

It was a crazy time back then.
It was the dawning of the age of Aquarius.

Maybe it was because his 19 year old hippie bride turned him on to the new age
Maybe it was the Swami who had all those Rolls Royce in his garage.
Maybe it was smoking that sacred herb.

But that crazy bastard started his own cult.

Founded on the idea of pleasure,
he was followed by young Beautiful women.
he was followed by young Men who looked like Jesus.
So many of them all living in the Hollywood Hills.

(Yes, Even Harold without Maude, once joined)

Jim Baker millionaire, became Father Yod cult leader.

Touch him and the world disappears
Look at him and see lighting bolts shoot out his ears
Turn to him and he can blow life into a still born baby

It was a crazy time back then.
It was the dawning of the age of Aquarius.

(Yes, then it got weird)

Teaching Sex Magic.
Singing lead in the cult's band.
Playing high school shows recruiting the youth.
Taking 13 new brides at once, while forgetting all the others he walked out on.

His followers believed they were chosen to usher in the new Aquarian age

believing Armageddon  was coming

so they moved to Hawaii.

But, Hawaii was no paradise.

There,
only on mushrooms did
he finally admit he was not god, but just a man

He was just a man.
It was over.

In the end He went hang gliding-
without having taken any lessons.

There was a strong wind that day,
that brought a man down from the heavens,
and returned him back to hard cold earth.

It was the age of Aquarius.
It was a different time back then.

There had to have been easier ways to get laid.

Long Line Of

Some will say,
you are the biggest loser they know.

That may be true...
(I don't know)

But look on the bright side...

The Winners needs you.

That means somewhere out there
is someone calling you a loser,
living a Winner's life.
surrounded by all these other Winners.

Having Winner parties,
Participating in Winner orgies and BBQ's,
Receiving some sort of Winner award.

(A plaque or a certificate or something.)

Somewhere out there
is someone calling you a loser,
surrounded by flawless beautiful models,
or airline stewardess, or yoga instructors.

Loved by Winner Mothers and Fathers
Never having to see a Winner Doctor
to Cure them of any Loser's disease.
And never know what s its like
lose:

love-

friends-

faith-

or they do and they figured it out
and you couldn't cuz your stupid
or something
weak

pathetic
pitiful
or something.


Maybe they don't know many people.
Maybe they can't help but be lucky

Maybe they pray for us.

Some will ask what is to be done about the loser problem?
(That may not be entirely true.)

Look on the bright side,
out all the
failures,
losers
deadbeats
and bums
you my friend are
greatest,
the biggest among them.

You are perfect.

Like the Termite

Like a Fake Rolex

Like a Promise from 

a woman who thinks your

ugly

You come from a long line-

the one that doesn't move 

and keeps getting longer.

forming a endless circle...

You come from

a long line of-

Its okay.

Without you,

the winner would have nothing 

except other winners-

(and should they notice)

now be unable to

mutter

"There but by the grace of god, go I"

punctuated

it will begin or end only with an exclamation mark!
or have I misunderstood it all ending with a question mark?

so many periods of time filled with question marks.
long periods of time filled with long pauses...

you can tell anyone you love them.

in quotation marks,
out of context-
(hyperbole)

you can think you love any one of them,
in a thought bubble.

until the bubble bursts.

ruptured
punctured
punctuated

no, we will end not with question marks,
only your answers will... sentencing me to a life doubt.

love is punctuated, leaving no doubt.

and anything other than a exclamation,
will have no point.

no ifs ands or buts.
period.

When You Think of Yoga

When you think of Yoga,
think of Jorge Ramirez Valenzuela.

They say as a boy,
He would hear voices that no one else could hear.

When He turned 18, the voices told Him, he was to go to India.

But He was a poor young man from Guatemala,
without a cent to his name.

The voices told Him to buy a lottery ticket,
so He did and He won.

When He got India, he was greeted by
a bearded man familiar to him only
in His dreams.

He trained in India as a mystic,
until He returned to Guatemala in the 50's.

He came to offer his knowledge
to poor of Guatemala.

He taught them Yoga
He taught them the Dharma
He taught them how to ease their suffering-

and suffering, along with coffee beans,
was one of the few things
Guatemala had an abundance of.

My mother told me, that when she met first Him,
she was skeptical the way teenagers are,
and dared him to prove his mystic powers.

That night an entity made of light woke my
mother and aunt up while they slept.

They screamed in fear, but
she never doubted Him again.

He once told his followers of the Templo Yoga
to protest the corruption of its country's leaders.

In Guatemala that's something you don't do.
The government took him.

Some say, letter writing and Amnesty International
got Him out, but a political prisoner getting out prison alive,
in Guatemala in the 60's, is nothing short of proof of a higher power at work.

And through Him
the ascended master teachers would speak

Karishnanda
Krishanda

They would speak the words
so desperately needed in this world,
but heard by so few.

Practiced by even fewer.

And when He died
the temple moved to a smaller
location.

His followers dispersed.

And the practice of Yoga
in Guatemala went into decline.

When He died,
there was a little more suffering in the world.

They say at night,
there is light that still emanates from his grave.

When you think of Yoga, think of 

Jorge Ramirez Valenzuela.

curly hair don't care

(B Side)


Dragons
Fireworks
Alarm clocks

Curly hair don't care

Guillotines
Paper cuts
Stop signs

Curly hair don't care

Hurricanes
Kites
Turn Tables

Curly hair don't care

Valentines
Flowers
Silly poems

Curly hair don't care...she really don't

There was a pause

(The Leonard Cohen Fan Club series part 5)

And there was a pause
between  the applause and what i knew for certain
between the bow and the curtain
between the omitted fact and the need for more
between the last act and the staged encore-

and there was a pause
between every word you spoke, and the air you inhale,
between what I heard and my dark skin turning pale.
between the our unspoken vow,
between the us, here and now.

and in that pause
I fell in and out of love
I fell from below as well as above.
I fell awake, long after the sleep-
I fell into the swallow to rise from the deep.

and in that pause
I fell under a spell, fell silent after that look,
I fell for the oldest trick in the book.
I fell for your beauty- your skin and your hair.
I fell into shock as I fell down the stair, head over heals,
pushed down by Proufrock whispering "Beware, beware beware".