A Clarification of Sorts

they were scratching their head
trying
to figure out
what i wanted.

Sex they could
get their
heads around,
or even the need to be understood.

but none of that
explains
it all here.

none of that is enough-
She couldn't understand what I wanted from her.

So, I want to explain.
I want to clear the air
with this:

I wanted you to treat me
the way the rain treats the desert-

See,
that wasn't so hard at all.


10'

A failed social experiment

It failed-
this experiment in life.

I took out
my phone
to get her number,
but she stopped me
with a question.


My phone went back into
my pocket,
and
I wanting nothing
more than to follow it
there
and hide.

And yes,
(after 3 years)
I tell her

"Yes I know your
name."



10'

Untitled

she exploded
like a bomb
like a water balloon
like a nest of hornets

She walked off
like a strike picketer
like a storm
like solider

She stayed
like a stain
like a uninvited guest
like a specter

and all and all
I stand here
rubbing my hands
together,
wondering what
will happen
next


10'

The Old Man Who Wanted my Blood

The old man
approached
us we sat drinking from plastic bottles.

he asked for a cigarette
and my friend
obliged him.

but he didn't go away
he just stood there-

drunk in all glory
and misery.

I tried to make small talk
and he starts to cry

I tell him
everything gonna be okay.

But he's
looking at me like
i stole from him-
like i owed him

like he wanted my blood.

he held my hand
and
not looking for a fight
i let him-

then I stood determined
to be on my way.

He called out to me.

"Mijo"

and then said
"fuck you"

He wanted us to stay
to be his friends.

But I never looked back.

I already have a father
who wants my blood,
and one is enough.


10'

Waiting for the Sunset

You're
waiting to ride off into the
sunset
with your hero,
your champion,
your love.

The night was made for lovers.

I wait
for the sunset
to creep out of  my coffin
like a vampire,
and march alone
into the night.

For the night, was also
made for the lonely, the hungry
and lost.

We all howl at the moon for different reasons,
but we all howl just the same.

 

10'

A Boring Statement of Acknowledgment

I was waiting to
write something
tragic to honor
the memory of our love,
in honor of you getting married, getting pregnant.

but this is wrong
this is a mistake,
you have moved on long ago

i am here with out
a child-
without a spouse.

instead
i should thank you
for teaching me some
tricks
giving some laughs
and
making the nights of my youth much gentler

but mostly i wanted to
say thank you for
making me see how boring the past has become,
and how much more real
these nights are.

so,
congratulations
on living.


10'

In the Beginning and the End

a woman
was at the beginning of this story,

whether
referring to my
mother giving me life

or Eve in the garden
dancing with a snake

or the
girl who
made me want to
write poems for her,

or the first girl to make me feel loved,
which she sometimes did.

there is much to say,
so very much to say,
and not much time on
this rock to say it.

But I tell you this
at the end,
at the very end of this story
there will also be a woman

either cutting the rope to let me down,
or collecting the insurance money
but
they will be there one way or
another.


10'

Spared

on the streets of San Francisco
I
followed you
like a beggar
asking for spare change.


I tell you
I've spent my whole
life looking for people
to connect to.

And I come to
you
to connect to you.

to huddle in your
light-
to succeed in my
own humanity

I've tried
so very hard to
be more
than this failure.

to finally be done with
the shrinks and
cranks

healers and con men,
the
witch doctors and
their prescriptions.

to finally connect with
someone...
not just someone but
you
and huddle in
your light.

to succeed-

To connect-

on the streets of San Francisco
I
follow you
like a beggar
asking for spare change.

begging you to
care.

But
you walk ahead in
silence to spare yourself
the trouble.

you offer
me a place to read about
god and peace and
light-

Saving your light
for some other even
colder night.

on the streets of San Francisco
I
follow you
like a beggar
asking for spare change.

begging

for something to change,
for anything to change-
for you to change-

for me to change,
to be more than this failure.

11'

Safe Word

Baby,
When it gets too
rough

When you wanna
hurt me

as
much as
I wanna hurt you.

When it gets
far too
rough

I suggest a
Safe Word

maybe
tenderly-

maybe
love you-

maybe
sorry-

or any other words
we never say to
each other.


11'

The Distance

I fill the air
with nonsense
in between
opportunities
to tell you that
i love you.


but you tell
me
you have no time
for my nonsense

so all i have left
is to fill the air
telling you
i love you

But
I spare you
the opportunity
to tell me that you have no time for that
either.

and with that
there was nothing left to say.
so i remain silent.

And
as we sit here
driving-

i sit
quietly
and accept
my situation.

Miles and miles to
go-

The
distance between
you and i

miles and miles to
go-



10'