A List

There are times she is vulnerable.

 For 

split seconds -

only seconds.

She says 

“I don’t think I’ll ever get married”

For now, she is married to herself-

I want to tell her I understand 

I know, 

I -

By we, 

We-

Drink amongst friends.

 

"She says don’t complement 

that- 

That is what I always hear from my friends"- 

I listen to...

because I see-

[ I've always seen more than that.]

I try to see her

completely, but not like that.

Its not like that- 

When she lets down her guard,

I catch glimpse of-

glimpses 

only glimpses-

I'm gonna forget, 

I always forget-

so

I made a list.. 

A list of all the things I see besides that-

Like the family she honors-

The cross 

Around her neck, her faith makes her strong-

she's adventurous-

In trips to Montana among the wildlife.

I appreciate her style

And fashion sense-

With the exception of that brown wool lined vest.

Her dark humor-

That leads to dark laughter. 

Her Good taste in music-

"...the plan is to show you 

I understand. You are appreciated"

Her patience when 

I need her  help to guide tender souls-

The good advice, I never take.

 

She is fun to be around-

She is difficult - Holy fuck-

She is difficult...

With her fancy drinks that require the rarest of olives.

And I see her 

When she says “she cries a lot”

[ She is vulnerable, 

but only for seconds 

only in glimpse.

She will not be rushed.

 For now she is married to herself. ]

She's got good taste -

(you already said that)

She will sip coffee 

in Luke’s Dinner.

(She is team Jess-)

I see her vulnerability-

But it's not like that. 

She is interesting

With her stories of tunnels and Disney Land-

She’s says don’t compliment that-

But I don’t have too- 

I keep my mouth shut.

She says don’t compliment  THAT.

She would probably also say don't compliment

my

Beauty-

and I keep my mouth shut.

It's not like that.

She is fun, but if I told her

It’d go straight to her head-

She says don't compliment THAT.

So I made a list before I forget. 

I always forget. 

She doesn’t think I listen 

She doesn’t care-

I save her a seat, she doesn't take it.

It's not like that.

Not like that.

She is married to herself, for now. 

She is my friend    

She can be herself around me.

I can be myself around her-

[I save her a seat, she doesn't take it.

Its not like that.]

 

I Had a Dream I was Spider-Man, but You Were Still You

 I had a dream I was Spider-Man 

But you were still 

You-

I have dreamt of you 

Before 

In a beautiful yellow dress.

And ect.

But you haven’t been a 

Or a part of

Or anything really for-

And. 

I’m not saying you spoiled 

Which is one of the coolest 

Dreams I’ve ever had…

I’m not saying 

In spite

De spite

Nose, faces.

Your face/

I’m doing all this cool Spider-Man shit

But you were still 

You

I left you there angry 

To go fight crime. 

I got the fuck out of there…

Looking for a Friendly Nieghbor

Neighborhood 

To web slinging in the rain with. 

Because you were still you….

Azos

The last time, the last time-

I wrote. it 

didn’t come out, come off..

Right-

Left, what is left? Give up? no-

No.

Pink dress.

Covered in stars!

(Not as frilly as you’ll remember. )

Fur around her boots.

But her 

Hair,

Two puffs

Two puffs 

Latina face,

But she she intergalactic! 

Not from here, not one of us-

No…

Do not write about…

Birthday girl.

Happy-

Not no don’t,

But it makes-

Happy.

You brought me joy,

A creep-

But your energy,

You’re 

full Of life-

Dancing…

Well,

On behalf of

the creeps,

It is a gift for a 

man to see a beautiful woman

alive!

Give beauty.

You wave goodbye-

 

 I wave back.

You 

Will 

Never 

Know there is a poem 

About You-

Everything I needed to say 

I said to you 

Myself.

There is more beauty 

in the world tonite,

on our world,

and I hope on her's. 

Basin

 There are rules to this bitch

Reincarnation

What in darnation?

Frustration

Pink carnation-

And there lies the truth-

Reminder 

Remainder 

Gravitational field.

The basin

Holding holy water.

To wash

Wash 

Away-

A way 

Your sins.

Leaving clean,

Until it’s time

To roll around in the dirt again.

The basin waits. 

Here I Go… Too Late

 So I went outside.. 

I was not- 

At least I don’t ,

Think-

I fucked up. 

I read a muse a poem…

About themselves.

I broke the rules 

The laws Of  Beauty

The Vows Of truth. 

I read a muse her poem.

I became creep,

Creepy creeping creeper -

Her friend putting up a fight, to stay in her 

Black dress, seemed to suggest a pep... 

Talk might-

Might, 

But-

 

I didn’t think, 

Thunk,

Should thinked-

I’m creep, I read her a poem to make her feel, 

Feel,

Feel, 

Feel better.

(I made it worse.)

Worse. 

Was the poem really that bad?

Was it the part about Patty Hearst?

It was the easiest way to remember your look.

I forget,  I always forget,

I was, I was, I was gonna say you look like you came off a 

sonic youth t-shirt, I saw back in  96'.

I forget, I always forget....

But I will remember the lesson. 

Not you, the lesson.

I'm sorry if made you uncomfortable, 

I look for all kinds of muses.

Some poets write about horses and racetracks,

Some poets write about lovers and broken hearts.

Some poets pander about failed revolutions 

I write about sad drunk people in a dive karaoke bar.

Cool Girl Revisited

 You are so fucken cool -

Bangs ,

I’m a sucker for bangs.

And the Beanie-

Perfect hair.

Patty Hearst…

You are 

A dream I had 

When I was 15.

The coolest fucken girl-

Here I go…

She sang the cool 

Song-

“Alll I ever wanted,

all I ever needed…”

Be cool!

Cool…

It’s -

“It is all I ever wanted…’

Buy. The Time

 I felt angry at the world- 

I felt angry at something 

Without a name.

My father would just buy me things after the beatings.

Buy the time:

Like Escorts, 

Like pay phone long distance calls,

Like Time Shares.

Capitalism moves in mysterious ways, 

Capitalism is barely getting by on Social Security, 

Capitalism is as capitalism does.

 

Buy the time: 

Like a peep show 

Like a parking spot downtown,

Like a vibrating bed in a hotel.

I was angry at the world.

There was nothing I wanted to buy-

Nothing to own or rent.

"Can't buy me love"-

(There is a song)

Love.

The only real thing.

I just wanted my mother not to hate me.

She raised me, to hate me.

The note I wrote said.

 

The note I left read,

"By the time you read this…"

I stayed for my best friend. 

Who I forgave

years ago.

Who every night I clean,

wipe their ass,

and throw out their piss.

I tell my father stories of the book 

I'm writing.

I tell him absurd jokes,

I watch Star Wars with him.

I do funny voices. 

I play the bass for him badly.

I stayed.

By the time you read this, 

I will 

be alive,

kicking and screaming. 

Alive.

By the way- 

I realized this is only borrowed time.

We steal what we can 

to survive.

we are beggars, when it comes to love.

The golden rule won't pay rent,

but lets hope

it'll

cover at least some dues. 

Honest Lady

So I was in line, at the Starbucks,

Or something.

When I came across an honest lady

waiting in line.

 

She either started small talk  or I did 

I wasn’t paying attention- 

Blah blah blah

Whoa Nelly!

I hate to disappoint you lady but…

.look 

At me.

Why would I …But hold the horses.

Why the long 

Face?

What -

What,

she said-

That was the kicker.

Blah blah blah

She said “I’m good at faking interest in people…blah 

I don’t like being around others… bla 

It’s part of my job… bla 

She shares how it is ironic, 

that she’s around  

them all the time…

Blah

Her face is long.

Bony.

Brown hair,

Sandals on her feet

like 

She stepped off a Greek urn-

(An urn that’s seen some shit..)

Blah blah blah 

She started to talk about her brother, 

about how his being the opposite. 

I mention Attachment Theory

I suggest …

I imply

Encourage

She look into it… 

A lot of people like her

don’t stand a chance until…

Blah blah 

It makes her angry.

Its Like I called her dumb- 

I Giddy Up.

I get out of this conversation and ride off into

the sunset. 

I see her sometimes talking to randoms.

I think it’s part of her job.

I thought she worked with marine animals,

Or just animals in general.

To her 

maybe... 

What’s the difference?

I dunno I wasn't really listening. 

 

Don’t meet many honest people, 

Most just are horrible people 

telling it like it is! 

No filter-

Crass -

Common-

Tactless 

and blunt 

as a shoes heel.

Bla Bla Bla

who gives a fuck about attachment theory... 

Well

She  might see 

she lying to herself, 

the way 

I lie to myself -

We need others. If we have any chance of making it on this rock, 

we need others. 

Bla Bla Bla...

Maybe- 

I wasn’t paying attention