Moment of doubt

That
microphone,
is not my friend.
It keeps putting words in my mouth.

the speakers,
are liars,
and in cahoots with the microphone
to fuck my shit up.

the plugs
are
feeding
its
delusion.

as the echo's
of words
sent on their
mission have failed.

and here i stand in the middle of it all,
like a witness to a
car crash,
helpless as
my poetry
chokes
crashes and
burns...


07'

Houdini

Here i go again,
doing tricks
again.
got a crooked wand,
and a black cape that doubles for the table cloth,
got top hat I don't wear anymore because its full of rabbit sh....

here i go again...
working magic,
and disappearing....
now
you see me,
now you don't...


its clear its time to go, I read it in cards,
its clear its time to go, I flipped the magic coin,
and it came up heads....
its clear its time to go, to disappear...completely..
magic to some,
a miracle to you.....


Its not as hard as it looks....

Houdini made look so easy,
or at least that’s what i've heard.


But me...
I just slowly walk and stand in the back
of the room,
while no one notices.....
or cares....
and just disappear.....


07'

stupid boxer

Stupid boxer,
pickin a fight,
you cant win.

Beatin yourself up.

Instead of fighting for... the thing you want.

You were
never a contender,
but you took a swing,
and missed...anyway....

never a contender...
But this is all you know how
to do.

you knew you were never a contender...
this is all you know how
to do.


The fight was fixed,
you are broken,
and
you don't take a punch like you used too....

stay down, and wait for the ring.....
stay down, and wait...

Beatin yourself up,
for
what?

you look silly
in shorts,
your
too old and
you hit like a girl

Stupid boxer,
Stupid man.


07'

In the absence of Enlightened Poetry

I'm not sure,
what i am doing.

i have always
feared
the cruelty
i am capable of.

i set a path, to unlearn the anger
i learned
from my father.

The ability to
cut with a word
from my
mother.

to unlearn...
and yell FREEDOM!

but I just want to scream right now...
a poem of sound, raw, hurt, angry...real.

the sound of
someone extremely lost.....
the sound an animal makes....

i hear the words,
of poets
who have found
their peace, love, god,
humanity,
empowerment...enlightenment
ect ect ect... pick a word...

they have words to
Inspire,
well rehearsed.
beautiful enlightened....

i don't know if
they live their lives
by the words they speak....
and I don't care.
I am not their god or mothers to judge ...

i'm not there, where ever there is...
i am here, on my way there...

Don't get me wrong,

Their words inspire me,
push me to grow.

Their words are a promise of
a great future.......

Their words simply
beautiful....

Their words heal......
their words are holy...
to which i have no right to compare.....


Don't get me wrong,
i am not that cynical, because if i didn't
Believe...
in power of love,
their are a hundred bridges i could prove my point from....

Don’t get me wrong.....
I love their words.......it just escapes me, just for this moment..
just for now.

but believe me soon....
soon
i swear...
soon....

I am here. I just am......
here are my words....
coming from a
place i left long a ago
and swore
never to visit..

But,
I get
jealous, hurt, angry, resentful,
in all
its humanity....
all perfectly human,
and
to me,
to pretend i don't
Feel these....
Is to be a liar.

love is human, joy, forgiveness....
but what is fear and hurt...

do they belong to the cries of an animal?
or to be enraged...human..

Humanity
is a sickness.
i am sick.

I don't know what i am doing....

I wanna fucken scream,
because
I don't know what else to do,
and there are no
enlightened poets around right now......
to tell me what to do.



07

A little war

someone wanted
a little war.
how cute.

have your war, without me.
i just might have better things to do,
like...well anything really.

have your war, without me.
you could win...
if its just you.

you could win...
if no one else
was involved....

i know this joke writer...
i got their number somewhere around here...
your gonna need some help.
Because...

this is too ridiculous for even me....
and that is saying it all.



07'

Fire Escape

I told my friends
i loved them once.

it came from a
vulnerable place,
like a room
in a big house that i never
go into.

it came from a place
that usually has
the door locked...

it just happened to
be unlocked, once.

i walked in and realized all
wonderful people i know,

i realized how lucky i was...
and am,
kinda.

I wanted to tell them...
I needed to tell them.

It felt
as if there
was an urgency....
like some crazy
emergency that needed immediate attention.

like some fire too fucken hot,
like a fire moving swiftly,
like some fire consuming everything
and it was ok.

this was good thing,
it was love.
it was love.

it was pure.

it was urgent.
it was real.

From a place still real.

Now i watch them slowly go their ways,
like ash to the wind.

They are leaving,
whether they are aware or not...
its ok.

its happened before.

They go their separate ways
 until the fire is out and the ashes gone.

That place, still is inside me.

i try the knob on the door,
to see if it will turn...

But mostly i stay in the rooms that
never had doors...

with windows looking out...
rooms on the higher floors....
rooms with fire escapes...
just in case i get any more
funny ideas.....

There is no urgency, no fire....
But a person like me can never be too careful...

so i sit on the fire escape
waiting for a fire,
or any other
reason to
escape.



07'

Just some guy

Tony Haynes was right,
there is no taking dives,
you hang in there and take it.

fight with all the love you have.

there are no taking dives.
so i get up,
and finish the job.

the right thing
to do isn't always the easiest.

sometimes
its gonna hurt like hell.

if I can do this right-

there is no way,
i can lose.

if i can love just
a little longer,
i will remain the last man standing.

i will ache in the morning
but
at the end of the night...

(standing in front of the mirror)

I can smile again...
With all teeth knocked the fuck out of my face,
But smiling just the same.

Who is Tony Haynes?
Just some guy, who was right.

You have won

You have won,
i admit it.
I admit to all of it.

You win!

you have
managed to bring out
the worst in me.

You have won,
you have been part
of a slow decline,
an ugliness,
a despair.

You have won.
But only slightly.

For although
the worst side of
me was loose,
like a virus,
like a plague.

it was ok.

although all my thoughts were dark,
and selfish
and unkind.

it was ok.

For you see
the better part of me,
was also set free.
the kindness
and love,
The patience and
forgiveness.

the best parts of me,
kicked the living shit
out of that negativity.

like atom bombs.

I say simply,
thank you for the lesson i learned.
it made me stronger.

It was a test,
my god had given me.
like a gift.

You won.
you brought out the worst of me,
but
only to also lose, as it
brought out the worst of you.


07'