alittle embarrassed

I feel alittle
embarrassed when I
write about you.

It was so long ago.
And I fear you would think
there may not be much
to mention,


And I fear you would think
it obsessive, an
Alchemy.
successfully failing at turning lead into
gold,

once again.

but
I was there too, I was there,
so this my story as well.

I feel embarrassed when I write about you because
I think you'd find that
there was nothing to say.
but
politicians, writers and critics have made livings with nothing to say...
and i can say nothing,
very well.

I feel embarrassed when I write about you because-
yes.
I loved you,
but I am not embarrassed by that,
I'm embarrassed by failing at it.
more than once-


I feel embarrassed
when
still I write about you

but although I may suffer
embarrassment,
you worth at least that, right?

at least worth
a little embarrassment-

because when we were young,
just children,
forgivable-
naive,
juvenile-

I believed I was in love,

once,
I believed
I would have
died for you-

so...
a little embarrassment,
is nothing.


07'

Yeah like the Beatles song

for M.

she is a memory,
and nothing came of it.
nothing.

in my mind what was i thinking.
beside her tattoos, and eyes.

there was another.
but for a moment,

brief and brilliant there was just her, and me.

so simple the world, uncomplicated reduced to the first equation, a girl and boy.

she is a memory, as
she never spoke to me again,
and i don't blame her.

i am sure i have been forgotten, by now as it should be

i am a mistake in many many
 a great story, a misprint, if you will.
a villain in many
and hero in so very few.

she did not recall, she did not remember
that time where if we had met before, all of it,
i would be holding her closer than any cross.

however,
i have been wrong before.



07'

28) Untitled # lucky 13

The movement needed
a comedian.
There was no help wanted sign in the window of
Revolution R Us
(and yes the R is backwards)
no ad in craigslist among the calls for models, used computer parts for sale and some lonely bastard trying desprately to find a date.
(which reminds me to post a pic soon)
there was nothing.......
nada....
i have decided that i will do my part.
with the only skill i have
but can not put on any resume.
I will try to make you laugh....you poet, you revolutinary, you gods and godess, you soliders of peace, person of conciousness, person of social change and justice...you brother you sister,
(and even you that jerk who stole my girl)
I will try to make you laugh......
because when the greed and hate of man has
burned the books, and homes,
buried students, peasants and dreams
There are still us to fight on....
the laugh can not be buried or burned.....

When the people forget to laugh,
they forget to be human.
They stand tall and proud
They take thier words and thought seriously
as a matter of life and death.
which it is.
You said times were tough,
there was nothing to laugh about....
i understand, and always have....
In time, soon in the near future, tomorrow, manana..
Till then.
Times are tough, and i will laugh for both of us,
for now.


07'

I just woke up

I just woke up
from a really
cool dream.

I was on the run,
from someone
a while back.

The one who shall not be named.
I ran.
Boy did i run.
I hung from the side of a cliff, and waited
till dark to shake them.

that part was cool.
and even after they found me, i still ran,
jumping into the darkness, into nothingness...

Their name came up recently in a car ride,
i haven’t thought about it in quite a long time.

some wisemen tell us that
our dreams are messages...
let this be a warining,
it is still preferable
jumping into nothingness,
than
ever
having to say
hello to them
or anything else.

07'

Brian Wilson Sings

amongst the old men, and punk kid trying hard in a trucker hat.
i sat in obstructed view, 

waiting for brian wilson.
in los angeles,
where no one walks.

Brian Wilson waits to sing. to me.

Pet sounds from start to finish.

'wouldn't it be nice......then we'd be happy"
"Carol i know...."
"the sloop john b

he sings for you too.
as i think of you.

and the day you left.
and the first time I heard the album after.

then again and again.
and again until

longing for you became a mere formality than a nessecity.
Brian wilson sings, for me tonite.

and he sings for you.

i try to remember our love tonite,

i try hard, but not as hard as the punk kid in the trucker hat, 

trying to pretend he's too cool
to sing along

 to Surfer Girl.

 


07'

So let it be

I was lookin
around,
feeling loss,
for those who i thought were no longer around.

thought i lost my friends.
but she said,
let it be.
so yeah,
those of you left,
thank you.

someday when you feel alone,
i will be around.

i will say the most riduclouls thing,
we both will laugh...

so let it be.

07'

My Parents once told me

My Parents once told
me,
aliens took the Mayan's
away.

They weren't joking.
And I don't know?
Maybe they did.
The mayan civilization did disappeared.
so,
maybe.
Maybe they are in a better place.
no lawns to
water.
no mortages
no forclosures

no gurrierros
no rebeldes
no land to be killed
for-
no poverty

No war, civil or
otherwise
I mean why not?
stranger things have happen...

If a carpenter can
ressurect from the dead
and acessend into
heaven-
why not?

Stranger things have happend.

Wanna hold your hand

I didn't get it at first,
i was kid,
i didnt' get
that song,
that song by the beatles.
you know
i wanna hold your hand.

i could hum it, but i am sure you
know it,
they also sang it in german.
maybe you've heard it in german, it
was and is a big song for them.
back in 64.

it took a while, to understand.
the lyrics
implied that the girl in the song
understood,
but girls were hard to come by as a kid,
so i had to wait
awhile.

a long awhile,
in retrospect
compared to the life span
of a tortorise not so long
or in dog years

or in cheetah, possum or the curious palatapus,
longer than desired...but,
anyway you get the point,
it took some time....

till i finally held a girl's hand
it took some time,
but it was worth it,
i finally understood that i belonged too her
and she belonged too me...

this was a revalation,
her hand,
held tight.
god i loved her,
even after the magic.

later came others with new hands, and bodies, 

legs, thighs

 and breast,

i came to understand those as well.
But her, she was the first to communicate, plant flags in me, make me sing beatle songs for her. like eve, before
the coming desedmona.

she was the first to want, in order to belong there was the want, and the need,

she eventually had to let go,
as did the next
and the next
and so on and so on,
until we come to you....

you, without too much time on your hands
leaving me wanting...but not knowing what to do
you, who can not hold me,
let alone my hand.
you who is one of two birds in the bush,
while i hold none in the hand...

i wanna hold your hand.
i wanna hold your hand.
i wanna hold your hand.
but want to, is to have failed myself.

i'm losing my touch
i'm losing my grip,
you've left me empty handed...

it is time to let go....

as even milton's adam and eve
exited, politely the garden,
evicted
"They hand in hand with wand'ring steps and slow
Through Eden took their solitary way. "

i will make my exit, to hunt or gather or whatever it is i do...

"Oh yeah i'll tell you something,
i think you'll understand..."
they say that idle hands are
the devil's play
thing.

and i am sure she, the devil, with full
lips and hips, and raven hair,
who ever and wherever she is,
will want to play...
its good work if you can find it.


07'