Buy. The Time

 I felt angry at the world- 

I felt angry at something 

Without a name.

My father was 

an angry man.

Raised an angry boy.

Who grew up to be an angry man.

My father would just buy 

me things after the beatings,.

my love, my time-

Transactional

Bribed

Capitalistic 

Bought and paid for-

My favorite toy was the Millennium Falcon.

Buy the time:

Like Escorts, 

Like pay phone long distance calls,

Like Time Shares.

Capitalism moves in mysterious ways, 

Capitalism is barely getting by on Social Security, 

Capitalism is as capitalism does.

“Bye bye love 

Bye bye tenderness 

Hello loneliness-“

 

Buy the time: 

Like a peep show 

Like a parking spot downtown,

Like a vibrating bed in a motel.

I was angry at the world.

There was nothing I wanted to buy-

Nothing to own or rent.

"Can't buy me love"-

(There is a song)

Love.

The only real thing.

I just wanted my mother not to hate me.

She raised me, to hate me.

The note I wrote said.

 

The note I left read,

"By the time you read this…"

But-

I stayed for my best friend. 

I stayed for my father, 

Who I forgave

years ago.

Who every night 

I clean,

wipe their ass,

and 

throw out their piss.

I tell my father stories 

of the book 

I'm writing.

I tell him absurd jokes,

I watch Star Wars with him.

I do funny voices. 

I play the bass for him badly.

I stayed.

I remain 

I endure-

By the time you read this, 

I will 

be alive,

kicking and screaming. 

Alive!

By the way,

I am still angry at the world.

But-

I realized this is only borrowed time.

We steal what we can, like thieves, 

to survive.

we are beggars, when it comes to love.

But what little I have is yours.

It is the golden rule-  [gilded]

Forgiveness 

Empathy 

Compassion 

I give freely-

The golden rule won't cover the rent,

but lets hope

it'll

 at least pay some dues.