I felt angry at the world-
I felt angry at something
Without a name.
My father was
an angry man.
Raised an angry boy.
Who grew up to be an angry man.
My father would just buy
me things after the beatings.
Buy the time:
Like Escorts,
Like pay phone long distance calls,
Like Time Shares.
My favorite toy was the Millennium Falcon.
Capitalism moves in mysterious ways,
Capitalism is barely getting by on Social Security,
Capitalism is as capitalism does.
“Bye bye love
Bye bye tenderness
Hello loneliness-“
Buy the time:
Like a peep show
Like a parking spot downtown,
Like a vibrating bed in a hotel.
I was angry at the world.
There was nothing I wanted to buy-
Nothing to own or rent.
"Can't buy me love"-
(There is a song)
Love.
The only real thing.
I just wanted my mother not to hate me.
She raised me, to hate me.
The note I wrote said.
The note I left read,
"By the time you read this…"
I stayed for my best friend.
Who I forgave
years ago.
Who every night
I clean,
wipe their ass,
and
throw out their piss.
I tell my father stories
of the book
I'm writing.
I tell him absurd jokes,
I watch Star Wars with him.
I do funny voices.
I play the bass for him badly.
I stayed.
By the time you read this,
I will
be alive,
kicking and screaming.
Alive.
I am still angry at the world.
By the way-
I realized this is only borrowed time.
We steal what we can
to survive.
we are beggars, when it comes to love.
The golden rule won't cover the rent,
but lets hope
it'll
at least pay some dues.
