a serious woman

I.

She is the first woman
I have ever trusted completely.
So, absolutely.

I trust her,
I believe in her.

For the first time,
I do not question,
I do not doubt,
I do not require to be loved.

I trust her to save me-
not from my crimes,
but from myself.

II.


My love, it is not required here.
Only my trust.

I have not trusted girlfriends
or my mother.

I have not trusted therapists
or the women who have told me they loved me.

I have not trusted the women who were kind to me,
but I believed the ones that were cold.
(though that was not trust either)

I have not trusted my teachers,
or the Angels
who said they'd watch over me.

But I trust her.
With so much at stake,
I trust her.

I trust her because,
she is the most serious woman I know.



She wears a heart around her neck,
and square rim glasses frame eyes,
that see my sins.

She towers over me in heels.
She flips her pen
and her hair sticks up when she moves it to the side.

She is the most serious woman I know.

My love,
and the love of others, has so often failed me-

So I give her my trust,
because there can be no failing this time.

III.

Love has never been honest
Love has never come through
Love has never been kind

Love,
My love, it is not required here.
Only my trust.

Love requires that you accept the knife
will be plunged from the back.

But the absence of love
does not guarantee the absence of a knife
to plunge-
(That is the beauty of trust)

Trust requires only that "if", 

and only "if" it should come to that,
it will be quick and painless.

(And she will look you in the eyes)

With so much at stake,
what I required most is a serious woman.

A most serious woman, who has the answers,
who flips her pen.

Believing she is part of god's master plan for me.
Believing she is a chance at redemption
Believing she, unlike the rest, will not fail me.

I have long ago stopped believing in miracles-
I believe in her.