Hooray for Hollywood

You tell me you need a friend.
The holidays are tough.

So I leave the comfort of home
and drive to out to see you.

It's Christmas night and
 I am still
putting myself together as well.

Helping you, just might help me.

I pick you up
and take you to the drugstore across the street.
It's open.

I want you to see people,
I want you to see life.

This place is as good as any.

I never had all the answers
but I can share
what I've learned.

All is Brahman.

The sadness and joy.
The loneliness and love.
The grace and the longing.

I want you to see the world differently.
I want you to see yourself in the eyes of strangers.

Connect with this world you feel so disconnected from.

If you can see the light in this place, in these people,
then there is hope for you,
hope for  me-
hope for this world.

Each one of these strangers is an opportunity.
Each an opportunity to be brave.

Be brave.

We leave, there is nothing more to teach you here.

So I take you to a place
where dreams fight to stay alive, but mostly die.
I take you to the streets of  Hollywood.

The tourist
The street people
The lights

All is Brahman.

We walk in the cold,
even on Christmas the streets are full of people.
Each one invested in the illusion.
Believing in the separation between one another.

They want the lights
They want to be close to something bigger than themselves
They want their names written on the side walks

They want to feel something is happening.

And it is.

Something is happening here,
and everywhere if you know how to see.

detach from the illusion-
let it go.
forgive
the trash of this world

Each piece of trash is an opportunity
to become the enlightened soul that you already are,
but won't admit.

you can't teach anyone to be anything they're not.
the desire to be something else than what you are, is why you suffer.

You don't need to be anything else.

Be sad, be angry, just be.

In that acceptance,
is silence.

In that silence,
will come the answer you need so desperately
and had all along.

In that silence
you will understand,
your thoughts are not you.

the past-
its gone
but what happened, is exactly the way it was suppose to.

its what you needed to get here,
so that you get there.

and even if everything
I've said amounts to nothing.

It is all I know.
It is all I can teach you.

There in the dirty street
There in a song
There in  the face of a man begging for change.

It is all you.
You created it all.

To get to this present moment.

We head back to the car,
there nothing left to learn tonight.

Outside the McDonald's
I see Marilyn Monroe's
name on Hollywood Walk of fame.

I ask you to take a picture of me next to it,
free of irony.

In the grand illusion,
and in the absence of flowers this will do.

All Brahman

Grinch Heart

"You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch. 
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus, 
You're as charming as an eel,"
-You're A Mean One, Mr. Grinch



I have a condition.

The medical term for it is
Grinch Heart.

I'm hoping to beat the odds

And like a doctor,
A woman performed open heart surgery-

to open my heart.

Now my heart is open
and three sizes larger,
but the woman was gone after the Fall,

After my fall for her, 

like a leaf from a tree,
with only the ground to catch me.

The surgery left my heart open,
The fall left me bruised.
and now the Winter is here.

I think about the new girl in the ugly dress,
I think about the
 New Year,
Connecticut,
and if I'll ever see her again.


Home is here
I'm here
Winter is here 

and
she is somewhere else.

So, it's just me and my dog.
and this old Grinch Heart of mine.

Still open, and bruised after the Fall.

This old Grinch Heart of mine,

and body
have taken quite a beating.

Yes, 

it keeps on beating

Keeps on beating.

Jane

the last time I saw you I was blue.
I know you loved me, I didn't want to worry you.
(that's no way to leave someone)

I came looking for you.

But, I am blue.

I put on my bravest face,
to at least pretend I wasn't.

My life is coming together.
I've made changes since I last saw you.
Changes I'm proud of.

I wanted you to be proud of me too.

You were like a mother.
You protected me the best you could.

You knew me then,
You knew her too.

I wanted you to know I'm healing.
I think I can love again.

I'm sorry I never called or wrote.
I didn't want  you to worry.

But I'm here now.

You were like a mother to me,
(except you'd take issue with that)

No, you'd want me to remember
 you as the girl in your stories.

A young coquette in the 70's-

New York City
Single
Carefree

A heart breaker.

A woman who could have any man.
(before you settled for a man named Leonard)

That is the woman named Jane.

I came looking, after so many years.
but I was a couple years too late.

You've left this place too.
It broke my heart.

I'm sorry Jane, I'm too late.

But I'll remember you as that girl in New York.
You'd have broken my heart even then.

Escape Velocity

I had to get out of town.
As far away from myself as I could.

I had to make a run for it.

There is a dark gravity trying to pull
me in.

I can feel it closing in.

I can out run the pain,
if I just drive fast enough.

I can reach Escape Velocity.

For the first time,
I knew what to do.

I was not running from you.
I was running to you.

Split

The three of us stand in middle of the parking lot,
with a bag full of loot.

We're gonna split it up three ways.

One for you,
two for  you...
One Two Three for me.

Were gonna split it up and part ways.

Today is last day
I work with them.

They are kind enough to make it last just a little longer.

In the past I would slip out,
(Quietly)
like a thief and make a getaway.

No-

That's no way
to say goodbye to friends.

I want to stay here as long as I can.

But.
the bag goes empty.
Its time to go home and other places.
Its time to split.

Later I will treasure, this shared plunder.

The Physics of Pain

"Hold my head,we'll trampoline
finally through the roof
on to somewhere near and far in time"- Pixies



"Energy can neither be created nor destroyed"
It just changes, like people change,
like minds change.

I suspect she has decided to keep moving.
"An Object in motion will stay in motion."
While I stay here waiting.
Unsure who has left and who I expect to return.

"The greater the mass of the object being accelerated,
 the greater the amount of force needed"
But you don't have to force him to go.
Just starve the poor bastard.
He will grow smaller and smaller.
As you grow further and further away.

Beams of light poured out of me uncontrollably.
I call it love.
I busted  my heart wide open.
I "broke it" myself.

I've never wanted to be alive,
so badly before.

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
What I know is coming next, will be pain so perfect and complete,
it will not matter who has left, or if they return.

All that matters is who has remained, remains.

Lovely Riah

(B Side)

" 'I'm just a boy with a new haircut'
And that's a pretty nice haircut"- Pavement



Zahra cuts my hair and tells me about Morocco.
I make her laugh.  So she tells me about the
time an elderly stylist cut off some guy’s eyebrows. She makes me laugh.
She teases my hair as she cuts it.
Making sure it’s just right. She says she loves Elvis.
Shes says who wouldn't.
She turns off the clippers so we can talk.
By the time she is done, she is proud of her work.
I ask for her card but realize I've taken out my phone.

I add a little something extra to her tip.
She unleashes me onto an unsuspecting world.

I feel fucken cool.I look fucken cool.
So far one person agrees.

20 Questions

They sit there pretending to care.

I'm not going to pretend.

Not this time.

I've interviewed for promotion so many times.
Each time believing I was the best candidate.

Maybe I wasn't,
but
If I don't believe it
how could anyone else.

Of the five women in the room
only one of them speaks.

So I only speak to her.

This isn't an interview,
this is goodbye.

I have nothing to prove.

Why me?
Whats so great about me?

It's not that you wouldn't believe me,
even if I told you.

It's that there's nothing to say, they see it.

(No nothing as petty as what 

My chromosomes dictated)

It is something 

Unspoken-

I'm everything they're not and
that alone is more than enough.

Elvis poem #135

“When he shook it and he rang like silver
He shook it and he shine like gold
He shook it and he beat that steam drill, baby
Well bless my soul, well bless my soul”-Gillian Welch



They say he stole,
that big ol dumb beautiful hillbilly.

They say he was the brains behind the whole thing.

Him-
In between getting bossed around by the Colonel and his mamma,
pulled off the heist of a century.

He stole the rhythms, the soul and the blues of the music he loved,
He stole from something beautiful that they say didn't belong to him.
He stole lightning, and smuggled it out in his pants.
(Hence all the shaking)

And that's why you should not enjoy his music-
Its counterfeit
Artificial
Full of high cholesterol  and saturated fats.

So cover your ears.
Ask for your money back
Repent

He's a thief.

Somebody call the cops.

Throw him in
the Slammer,
the Poky,
the Hoosgow-
and throw away the key.

 (But Fuck it)
You know he’s just gonna Rock out
in that Jail house.

That's what he does.

It’ll be a fucken party.
It'll be you and me and Bugsy and Shifty
and everyone else
"Guilty" of having a guilty pleasure.

We're gonna stick around and get our kicks.

"That's alright now mama, anyway you do."
That is, if that's alright with you?

The Raven and the Dove

"Often it does seem such a pity that Noah 
and his party did not miss the boat." - Mark Twain



There was a Flood of emotions.

To many to carry in my heart.
Too heavy for a hobo's hanging handkerchief bindle
at the end of a stick.
To many for the wheel barrel kart.

I needed an ark built of a woman's lace,
a brown briefcase,
and a dogs wagging tail.

Something built to shine brighter
than the trail of a skipping stone on its way to its fate.

Each emotion came in pairs.
Each with its mate.
the light,
the dark.
the wrong and the right.
the truth and not the truth.

Each boarded the ark,
carved its initials on the walls,
took out lines of credit-
and paced down the halls.

And the Flood came and went
and stopped coming by to sit a spell.

Last I heard its going door to door,
(ringing a bell)
making a fortune in women's hosiery.

And I lost my best
umbrella-
But gained a capricious sky,
Removing my hat, I stay polite.

I am cautious like that.

I sent out the raven
after the dove.

The black bird
after the white.

Although
there was no need,
the bird of love had come back alright.

The raven raised in shadows
with the
dove raised in love.

I sent out the raven after the dove,
I sent out the raven
because I doubted the other's
love.

I sent out the raven after the dove
I sent out the raven to be free,
never to come back-
surely lost in the blue eyes of ice.
never to come back with the branch of a tree.

But he came back with a diamond in his beak
cold, but true.

It was exactly what i needed, but
not at this time.
But for when the flood waters subside
and I claim what is mine.
When the land is ready for a King to set foot.

Till then,
I will send out the dove-
again and again.

When it comes back
with a branch, still green with hope
held tight in its grip.

I will ask it to do it again.
Until I have the tree, aboard ship.

I am cautious that way.

Rattle

(Part 8 of the R B Series)

I am shaking.

Getting out of my mind
and in tune with my body.

But a thought occurs to me.
Nobody is looking.

I'm gonna shake,
I'm gonna rattle,
I'm gonna roll.

I'm gonna invoke
Elvis
and
shake it like its jailhouse rock .

No one can see me.
Oh, if they only they could.

I'm all shook up.

Rage

(Part 2 of The R B Series)

My body can not take or give another punch.

My eyes mix the tears with the sweat.

The feeling in my fists,
(that dull pain)
is always there after the rage.

Always there.

I do not know if I have won this round.
(It does not matter)

The match  does not matter
The title.
The cut-
The wound does not matter.
(for now)

What matters
is what happens when the pain in my first
has faded again.

How long till it comes back?
How long till I enter the ring again?

What to do, when rage wants to destroy
its opponent completely?

How long till I realize, I alone-
have always been
the only opponent in that ring ever?

I tell myself-
"The pain will fade.
 Hang in there Champ, and
make your Mother proud..."

Restless

(Part 7 of the R B Series)

I can not sleep-
I see her eyes when I close mine.

I don't want to lose this.

Whatever has been awakened, is restless.

I don't know what happens next.
I don't wanna wait and see.

I want to know everything.
I want to know what she sees
when she closes her eyes.

I don't think this is the way these things are suppose to work.
I think  I was suppose say good bye,
as soon as I opened my eyes.

There are rules to this sort of thing.

(Fuck the rules)

Even if i have to steal every glance.
Pretend like its no big deal.

Nobody gets hurt.
Everybody wins-

I see her eyes when I close mine.

I've been losing so long.
I don't want to lose this-

I look forward to seeing her tomorrow.
(There is no turning back)
Till then, I don't mind losing a little sleep.

The night smells of peppermint.

Release

( Part 3 of the R B Series)

The release has left nothing
but the true self-

For the first time free of Ego-
For the first time Free.

Consumed.
Emptied out.
Drained.

What is left doesn't need to explain.

It only hopes one day, you too
will understand.

Reception

(Part 1 of The R B series)

I'm late.

Every one else is almost done

Eating. 

A woman with a kind 

Face greets me with forms that 

need filling out.

This is my reception into the unknown.

I was not expecting to see

any women around.

Knowing she is around brings
me a small comfort.

It always has.

Like in that book:

"even if they're only scratching their arms or blowing their noses
 or even just giggling or something." 

I don't know what to expect really-

I packed light:

Sleeping Bag 

Towel

Board Game-

Well that, 

and other baggage.

She tells me just to turn the paperwork in later,
(I should eat)
and
leaves me in room full

of strangers.

I am 

Unprepared

Exhausted

Who I have I brought?
What do I want them to see?

I made a promise.

So I will
Jump through any hoop,
Stand naked,
Bleed-

But for now,
I keep the talk small and polite.

These strangers will hear enough
from me eventually.

I've been dead inside for so long,
at this point in my life I have nothing to lose.

Better late than never.

There's at least one woman around.

Maybe she'll come back for the paperwork

Dinner time is over.

They gather us up,

Something is about to happen-

Fiat Lux

"Qué voy a hacer, je ne sais pas...

qué voy a hacer, je suis perdu"- Manu Chao

Aquí, desde las sombras, puedo ver la Luz.

Entre el passado y el olvido,
Entre el poema y el arte,
Entre la mentira y el amor,
hay Luz

Nunca voy a ser capaz de alcanzar La,
Nunca sabré la Luz.

Pero aquí,
desede la oscuridad,
Aunque estoy perdido-

me da una pequeña alegría saber que
hay una Luz que podría guiarme a salvacion.

Podría, pero he elegido las sombras.

Last Man Standing

I love you dearly,

like family.

You are the brother I never had.

I wish you the happiness that seems to elude me-

You say: 

I am last man standing.

Single
Unwed

Alone-

"I am" the last man standing.

But don't worry about me,

I worry enough.

I will find her one day-

and her love will save me from myself.

But this is your day.
I love you dearly.

In a world filled 

with  chaos  and unexpected storms of ruin,
that bring some  men to their knees,
and others down for the count.

I wish for you to be the last man standing-
with your wife beside you.

A good woman,

standing by her man.

Table for One

“I loved her; I was sorry not to have had the time and the inspiration to insult her, to hurt her, to force her to keep some memory of me.” 
― Marcel Proust



It was a lovely wedding reception.
Open bars always are-

Known.
I am Known here.

Loved even.

If only I could feel it.

If I could sit alone I would,
but this is a wedding.

There is only one girl worth talking too here,
but not because of beauty. No-

But because she has never met me.
The real me anyway.

She's met many versions of me.
Each version trying so hard to be clever.

Each
plotting-
scheming.

I want her to know my love,
even if can never feel hers.

I want her to know something true.

Amid the failed plots and crooked schemes-

My love is true.
the last true thing about me.
It is what I deny all women, and myself.

Unknown-
I am unknown here.

There is only one chair worth sitting in.
I wait the whole night.

Waiting for the
Courage, to be decent.

She has never met the real me.
(As I fear I've never met him either)

The seat next to her opens.

I sit, and introduce myself.

Decent, just be decent.
You can always blame it on the alcohol later.

Does Anyone Ever Really Know Anyone

"Two icy-cold hands conducting the way,
It's the Eskimo blood in my veins"- SPM



I asked her to lay her bare body upon me,
but not in the usual way.

I wanted to feel her endless back
upon my chest and belly.

I wanted to feel the full weight of her, in the morning light.

For her to guide my hand upon her island-
to navigate me to the temple to worship.

But in that silence-
something is lost in translation.

Later
she will ask if I wanted her
to lay that way,
so that I could know what it was like to be a woman.

If only it were that easy, then every man would know.

Instead,
some will choose to only ever know
pleasure or pain from a woman.

Yes,
I will her know skin, hair, muscle and bones,
but I can never completely know what it like to be a woman,
the same way
knowing religion does not make you god.

No,
she could only teach me to be a better man.

But she didn't know how.

So I settled to know pleasure for now,
the pain would surely follow.

Sea Worthy

"And when he knew for certain 
Only drowning men could see him 
He said "All men will be sailors then 
Until the sea shall free them" - L.C



The sailors have their tales that they love tell,
of men overboard, shipwreck, and other
tragedies -

They will tell you drunkenly-
"Beware of Mermaids and Sirens.
They will lead you to death and ruin."

But Mermaids and Sirens do not exists.

Like all good ship Captains,
I know my
superstitions well,
but know my ship better.

Confident my ship
is right
is true
is Sea Worthy-

I navigate by the light of the stars.

The stars are sailors of the sky,
the souls of drowned men
guiding his brother home.

Their light,
hope among the darkness.

But that night I could not see the stars
I could only feel a cold unforgiving wind.

Omens I chose to ignore-

That night I had but one passenger aboard my ship.

I could not see her face when we spoke,
I could not see her eyes.

I had only a voice from someplace beyond.
Only a voice to guide my ship by.

She wants to know if my ship was Sea Worthy.
She wanted to test its worthiness.

She calls me chatty-
The iceberg hits
and rips through the hull.

She calls me weird-
The ships engines ignite into flames.

She questions my sexuality-
The capsize begins.

The ship is lost.

Women and Children first,
though she has long since abandoned ship.

But I do not run for the lifeboats.
A Captain must goes down with his ship.

I don't fear what comes next.

Sometimes we need to learn to swim in the coldest
unforgiving waters.

Sometimes we sink.

At times it's what is required.

How else can one
learn
forgiveness
love
compassion

They are like air,
it is only while drowning
do we fight for them,
long for them.

Sometimes it is what is required-
to drown again and again,
to die again and again

So that my soul may be a star in
the night sky
guiding not only my brothers,
but my sisters too-
until we all make it home.

Home to where there are
no ships
no ice bergs
no fires

no you
no me
no need to suffer

There are no sirens or mermaids.

Oh Shonda

"Oh! Darling, please believe me
I'll never do you no harm"- the beatles



Oh Shonda-

Lord knows I understand,

what it means to be seen.

Then,
distorted and

defined,

by a much smaller mind.

Oh Shonda-

Lord knows I understand

what it means to be heard

Then,

interpreted and 

misunderstood,

by a much smaller mind.

They called you 

angry 

black 

woman

they have seen what they wanted to see

they have heard what they wanted to hear.

they want to own your story
and
the contents of your heart,
because of the color of your skin.

I'd be angry too.

Oh Shonda-

I hear you
I see you.
I know you.

Don't worry
Baby, I still love you.

Entropy

The universe is in constant chaos.

The Dark Flow pulls the universe
apart
and
understanding why will not stop its pull.

The only constant is change.

The lives of the common people
are also in constant chaos.

There is a darkness that pulls
their lives apart as well.

fear
anger
shame

As above, so below.

The darkness pulls.

Understanding why does not stop the pull-
But do not fear change.

In that darkness is the opportunity to shine.
For they say we are made of stars.

As above, so below.

Darkness pulls,
it will always pull.

We don't have to understand why.

All we can do is hold together,
remember we are stars-
and together,
heal with the light of a billion suns.

Practice makes perfect

And the kids were doing
this crazy thing where
you dump ice water on your head for charity.

the people pointed and shook their finger
"You're doing it wrong."

And when the common folk got fed up and angry,
marched out and
took over Wall Street.

the people pointed and shook their finger
"You're doing it wrong".

And there will always be people
pointing at you for
the music and art you will create,
the words you choose, the clothes you wear
the way you cry, mourn and love.

Wanting you
 To just sit there,
stuck,
paralyzed
unable to act.

Doing nothing.

then those people will rise again
pointing and shaking that finger

saying
"Why don't do anything"
"That's what's wrong
with your generation, your kind, your people, your class"

When you hear this, there is something you can do.

One: Smile
Two: Raise a special finger of your own
and
Three: Carry on doing what you are doing.

Fourth Place Aint So Bad

No one is special.

The beautiful will disagree.
The geniuses will disagree.
The rich will claim they are were chosen by the maker
to be special.

No one is special.

The holy will disagree.
The champion will disagree.
The politician will claim among men they are chosen by
the masses to be special

No one is special

The artist will disagree
The praised child will disagree
The colonizer will claim the color of his skin, history, and fate
chose him to be special.

To all this,
the Angels yawn.

You are all God.
You are all love

"You"
just the same atoms
the same points of energy
held together by an invisible force

Convinced
you are separated from one another-

Convinced by:
Compliments
Name badges
and
Pay stubs

Convinced
That you are
Special.

So that, those who are not you:
The ugly
The stupid
The poor
The lazy
The invalid

are not the same atoms.
are not love
are not God-

If not Gods,
then yes you
are special.

Except to,
The angle of death
The disease that grows inside
without Waring
The stray bullet-

If not gods
then special,
until you return to ground and
placed in a box.

In the darkness,
there you will see you are equal-

To everyone,
To God,
and
especially to the worms.

Anna Karenina Was Cool

I like Russian names,
names like:

Alexi
Natasha
Vladimir
Dimitri

And
no I am not Russian,
my skin could never be so pale.

I like Russian names,
names like:

Anastasia
Sergei
Gregor
Tatiana

Perhaps I was Russian in a past life.

When I knew
Kandinsky
Chekhov
Tchikovsky

When I knew what it was like, to
long for freedom.

I still long for freedom in this life,
just in a different way.

Dirty Laundry

To expose your soul
through the written word,
is to be left
with no secrets.

All your dirty laundry
will hang out to dry.

And,
You will stand naked-
for all to see
for all to judge

The Emperor has no clothes.

and they will judge
in the safety of
their costumes
their disguises
their armor

and yes I choose stand bare to the world.

like Adam
still in the garden
still naming the beast
still naked before his lover and god.

like Adam
before sin
before shame
before he lay his crown down, and cast out of paradise.

Poor Eve  to lose her lover to the
costume-
disguise-
Armor-

So yes, I will hang my dirty laundry,
To be clean.

and they will
scream in the streets
"the emperor has no clothes"!

I will say
" I am naked,
 and an Emperor.
Insane,
Scared,
Insecure-

Tell me something I did not already know."

If You Want to Know Why

I got bored with success
I got bored with failure.

I got bored with enlightenment
I got bored with ego

I got bored with truth,
I got bored with lies.

I got bored with my poetry
I got bored with your poetry.

So now,
I will leave you all
leave this place,
this town.

I will find a land where
men fight men to death

Where the women are
fierce and take on many
husbands

where food is hunted
and eaten raw.

There covered in
scars and in the blood of
other men
I will write poems
so raw and beautiful-
God
will weep.

And I will recite them every night into the star filled emptiness-
until that becomes boring.

Only to return here
to tell you-
there is nothing more to say,
and
stand once again in God's silence.